Walking in your purpose

During the last couple of years of my life, I've really began to see just how much my life is not about me. But as I'm beginning to walk in my purpose and following God's plan for my life, I'm starting to see just how true that is. 

This is the beginning of my second week of teaching and in 6 days, I've seen so much that's different from the world I knew when I was in the 8th grade. The things kids say and do, their boldness and audacity is interesting, to say that least. I was "warned" before I started, but I refused to form an opinion of these kids and automatically label them as "bad" just because of other people's opinions of them. I wanted to get to know them for myself. This is my first time teaching and in 6 days, I've learned so much. 

The first thing I've learned is how much I don't know. I like to know everything and I like to always be in the loop. It's a constant battle with myself to remember that it's okay to not know everything. There will always be more to learn. I've also learned that they need me. For some of them, I may be one of the most positive female role models in their life, and that means that I have to be the best me that I can possibly be, not only for myself, but for them. 

Everything that I do affects my students. They are watching my every move. 

They know that the number one rule of my classroom is respect, and although they are still struggling with understanding what exactly respect means, they know that in order to receive respect, it must be given. They also know that there is no profanity in my classroom. On the first day, someone asked me why they couldn't use profanity and I told them that I don't use it, so I don't expect them to use it while they're in my classroom. They were so shocked that I didn't use profanity. So I asked them what the point of it was, and they said, "It helps you to get your point across because some people won't understand what you're trying to say if you don't use it." That's not what I want them to think. I want them to know my classroom is a safe haven and that they can get there point across just as clear without using profanity. 

That's just one of the many things that I've encountered in my first 6 days as a teacher. But I don't think they're bad. Some of them are disrespectful, some of them have anger tucked away, some of them just want to express themselves, but deep down for the most part, they're not bad. So now it's my job to help them discover themselves and just how great they are. I'm not just a science teacher for them. I'm a listener, I'm a supporter, I'm an encourager and so much more. 

At the end of the day, I may be tired, but I'm happy. God has given me this task and I'm more than willing to do whatever it takes to perform to the best of my abilities. I never thought walking in my purpose would be easy, because it is definitely not, but I know that it's more than worth it. 

Love, 

JayCherie

The beginning of a new story

When God blesses us, I believe that He wants us to share our stories so that we can inspire and give hope to others. So here's my story. 

In May 2014 I graduated from North Carolina A&T State University with a BS in Bioengineering and was on my way to Wake Forest University to pursue my PhD in Biomedical Engineering. I was excited and to be honest, now that I look back on it, I was so excited because I got to stay where I was comfortable. The triad area had became my home over the last few years. So to stay in a familiar area around people that I knew was very comforting to me. I always said that God wanted me in Winston for a reason, not really understanding what that reason was. 

Looking back, I believe that God allowed me to stay in a comfortable environment to then make me uncomfortable so that I could grow. 

Almost a year ago to the day, I remember walking into the first day of orientation thinking, "Why in the world am I here? I don't want to be here." But I remember shaking it off because it was an amazing opportunity that most people don't get.  I kept telling myself to push through it and that it would eventually get better. But it never really got better. I thought that the issues I was having outside of school were the reasons why I didn't like it, but in reality, I think God used all aspects of my situation to push me to what He had planned for me. At the time I couldn't see or understand that. 

The first semester I was failing a class (which I have NEVER done), and the professor reached out to my advisor and told him that I wasn't performing well. So my advisor talked to the Dean of the graduate school and I was able to drop the class a week before finals without any penalty (look at God!). After that I thought that I would go into the next semester more focused. My personal life was getting better, so I thought that everything was on the upswing. I went into the second semester very optimistic. Although, I still didn't enjoy the program I was in, I loved research and I figured that I would push through since I'd only have to take classes for another year or so. 

As the second semester went on, my personal life started falling apart, again, I was failing yet another class, and I just wasn't happy. I felt like God was pulling me away from the program. But I didn't understand. In my mind I wasn't prepared for anything other than graduate school. Since my sophomore year, I had it made up in my mind that I was going to graduate school, so I had done research every summer and I only had one industry internship. I didn't feel like I was prepared to go get a job in the "real world". I didn't know what I was going to do.

One day I reached my breaking point. I was so broken down from my personal life and I was just mentally drained from failing a class. My advisor kept blaming my poor performance in one class on me being "inadequately prepared" and I couldn't deal with his lack of support. I was so overwhelmed that I went to his office and told him that I was leaving and all he said to me was, "okay". Okay? I couldn't believe that that was his only response to me telling him I was going to leave. I felt so invaluable. 

The things that have happened over the course of the last year really took a toll on me. I felt very unwanted and at unworthy of almost everything. It felt like everything that I ever wanted and thought that I had was being taken away from me. So me being typical me, I went into "fix-it" mode. I was trying to open up every door that God was closing. I was trying everything to make a way for myself when all I needed to do was rest in God. I didn't like being vulnerable and I didn't like not knowing what the future held. 

I've always had a relationship with God, but I didn't realize how far I was from Him until He started removing everything that was distracting me from Him. I was unintentionally putting things in front of Him and I was getting further away from discovering my purpose. God was always with me, even in my lowest of places. I began to pray and be intentional in my prayers about what I needed and that was simply, I needed to feel God's love. I needed to feel His peace in my life. And that's exactly what He gave me. In the midst of everything around me falling apart, I had never felt more at peace.

God became my everything. 

As the summer went on, I tried to switch to other PhD programs, I applied for many jobs, but nothing was working. I knew God had something for me, but I also knew that "Faith without works is dead", so I kept applying for jobs. August rolled around and I still had nothing. I was preparing to have my parents help me with my bills and using my savings to pay for things until I found a job. I had put in an application earlier in the summer for a teaching position because it is something I was interested in doing, but I didn't think anything of it because I have no teaching experience. But on August 10, I get a call from a local school asking me to come in for an interview the next day. I go in for an interview and at the end, they tell me that they would like me to come teach for them! 

I'm a planner, which can be terrible when strengthening your faith and waiting on God, and I had my whole life planned out. I was going to go get my PhD, maybe get married somewhere along the way, get a job in industry after so I could make "good" money, and then maybe go back and teach one day once I had children. I had my whole life planned out in my eyes, but God  showed me just how easily our plans can change. 

God has taken the story that I had envisioned for my life and began rewriting it. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am no longer planning out my life. Where God tells me to go, I will go. What God tells me to do, I will do. I have put down my own pen and I'm letting God finish my story for me. 

Everybody has a story, everybody has a journey, and this is just the beginning of the next phase of my journey! 

Love, 

JayCherie

Withstanding Rejection

I don't think I can take anymore rejection, anymore disappointment, any more "no's". I think I've reached my limit for the time being. From my personal life, to my "career" life, I just keep hearing people tell me "no", and  at times I'm just over it. I just want to stop trying because it feels like "what's the point?"

Well the point is, maybe God has another story for me, because the story that I want, or that I thought I wanted, isn't working out like I thought it would. Maybe there's some things that God has to work out for me so that I can have everything that I've ever dreamed of. I know it'll be okay, but at times it doesn't feel like it. But then I realized that nobody like rejection. Nobody likes to be told no, but it's all a part of life.

Rejection can be God's protection. God may need to finish working on something before you can have it or God may have other plans for you, but either way, we must no that God doesn't keep anything that is good from us. Maybe we're not ready for that promotion, maybe we're not whole enough to be in a relationship, maybe we're not financially stable enough to buy a house. Just because the answer is no, doesn't mean it's always going to be no.

That's the part that I have trouble with. The answer to a lot of things that I want (or that I think that I want) seems to be no right now. But when is it going to be yes? You may be just like me thinking "When is it going to be my turn to shine?", "When am I going to find my purpose in life?" But we have to challenge ourselves not to think about those things. Not to think about when the things that we want are going to come to pass. We need to be using this time of being in the dark to continue growing. Maybe we're not at the place God wants us to be at yet and therefore He's not going to give me something that I am not ready for. So I just have to keep trusting God and know that He is going to fulfill His promises to me.

God knows your heart and He will never fail you. God makes no mistakes, so know that everything that is happening to you is happening as a part of God's plan for your life!

Psalms 147:5 "How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!" 

-- JayCherie

Facing Failure

When you fail at things in life, sometimes it can feel like the end of the world. It seems like everything around you is falling apart and you can't seem to stop it. You don't know where you went wrong because maybe just a couple of years ago, you had a world full of opportunities. Opportunities that are now obsolete, or they seem to be in your eyes. 

So what happened? 

You fail to realize that there's more to life than what you can see. That's where faith comes in. It may appear as if everything around you is falling apart, but really God is working to tear down the old house that you're currently living in so that He can build you a new one. But you can't see that. All you can see is everything that you're losing. You don't see the new foundation that is waiting to be laid. You don't see the wood that's being treated to give the house a stronger frame than the one before. You don't see the new walls and the new flooring. You can't seem to let go of all of the old memories that were in the old house. 

You can't see that God is molding you to be the person He needs you to be. You don't think you're ready. 

One of my struggles recently is trusting God's timing.  In the past, everything has always worked in a seemingly orderly fashion and seemingly easy for me. But now He's taking things away and closing doors.It feels like nothing I do makes anything better. And honestly, most times it's really hard for me to sit and wait for Him to work. I always feel like there's something that I need to be doing or something that I should be doing so that I can fix everything that I feel like I messed up. But what if I really didn't mess up anything? That's the question I keep asking myself. The closer I get to God, the more I realize that everything happens for a reason. Although I may have acted irrationally or didn't prioritize like I should have and I feel like I've messed up everything because of the place that I'm in now, I'm exactly where I need to be. 

Sometimes God has to strip you of everything to mold you and to prepare you for what He has planned for you.  

So just wait and trust God and know that He's working all things out for your good. Believe that better is coming. Storms don't last forever, even if it's been months, or even years. It will get better! 

Romans 8:28 (NIV) "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." 

Dear Lost Jay,

Now that I've finally found you, there's some things I want to share...

You were so amazing. You had this greatness that everybody could see and that everybody loved. Why did I ever let you leave? Did I not realize how special you were? Maybe I was scared of the woman I was becoming because I knew that road would be a difficult one, so I let you go and I became something else instead because I thought it would be easier. I don't think that I was ready to work as hard as you wanted me to and so pushed you away. I wanted love, not to work hard and be better. So I chose love over you. But how silly of me to think that love would work without you. Because you complete me and I can't love somebody how they need to be loved if I'm incomplete.

I'm so thankful that God brought you back to me. 

Without you I feel so empty and alone, and I've been trying to fill that void, but it's you I've been looking for. You're spirit is what makes me who I am. When you left, I lost my touch. I was scared without you. I can't be great without you because you had this drive about you that pushed me to be great even when I didn't feel like being great. I lost my balance. I lost my focus. I couldn't even love properly. And it was all because I lost you... 

I wanted an easy life, and you challenged me to go after the impossible. But I'm not scared anymore because I live by faith, not by sight. I was so stuck on what I could see, not what I knew. I don't want an easy life because easy things aren't always worth it. As the saying goes, "Nothing worth having comes easy".

So I'm ready for this new adventure and I promise to not push you away and to always choose you. Because without you I'm not me...

My life is not about me

My whole life I've been taught that if you do well and you do what you're supposed to do, good things will come. Although that is true, I began to do what I "thought" were the right things just in an attempt to get what I wanted. But my heart wasn't always in the right place. I've been living this life, thinking that I was doing what God wanted me to do just so I could get what I wanted from Him. 

How wrong is that? 

It's not something that I ever realized I did until everything that I wanted got taken away and things started falling apart. I began to sit and reflect on my life and take a deeper look inside myself. I began to see that I was attempting to please God so that He would bless me and not because that's what He deserves. I wasn't doing it intentionally, but I was still doing it. I would tell God that I would give up certain things and that I would stop doing certain things if He would just give me things that I wanted. How inconsiderate of me? How dare I ask the One who wakes me up everyday and allows me to live that life that I live to give me more in return for doing what He asks me to do? He doesn't owe me anything. 

After 22 years of being on this earth, I finally get it. God will bless me however He wants to whenever He is ready. But in the meantime, I need to live a life that is pleasing to Him because that is what He deserves. I want to see Him one day and when I do, I want Him to be pleased with the life I lived. 

My life isn't about me. It's not just about the things that I want or that I feel like I need. Yes, there are things that I want that I don't have, and there are things that have been taken away that I don't understand why, but God's will is bigger than anything that I can see or understand. God is a God of restoration and He can do things that we could never imagine.

So for now I rest in Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

And with this I am finally able to understand the scripture that I've been replaying in my head over and over again for the past year and a half, Philippians 4:6-7. 

Dear old love

In a field full of roses, you're the one that spoke to me. 

You had this uniqueness about you that others may not have appreciated, but I loved. 

I carried you everywhere I went and you made everyday brighter. 

Whenever you would start to wilt, I would nourish you, and for a while, that's all you needed to pep back up and bloom again. 

But one day something changed, whatever I was feeding you wasn't working. 

It seemed like the harder I tried to keep you alive, the worse you became. 

Now I'm standing here holding onto your stem that's covered in thorns, while your flower has fallen off... 

I'm left with wounds that won't stop bleeding until I let go of your stem that once carried life into your body. 

I want to heal but to do that is to let go , so that's what I had to do. 

It's not easy because your thorns were embedded so deep that taking them out caused me more pain than I cared to experience. 

The wounds will heal and over time the scars will fade, but the pain....the pain is something I don't know if I can ever forget. 

So goodbye old love, always know that in a field full or roses, you were my favorite.

Beauty in Brokenness

Life changes so quickly. It can leave you feeling numb and have you in denial, but when reality sets in, you begin to feel empty and hopeless. When you put so much time and effort into something and it doesn't go the way you planned it, it leaves you feeling like you've failed and has you asking God, "why?"  You think you do everything right and you try your hardest, but it's still not good enough and you don't get what you worked so hard for. How else is there to feel other than defeated and broken?

Over time God will reveal to you why He allows things to happen, but you have to be open to accept it. 

You may find yourself saying, "I don't want to be broken", " I don't want to be damaged", but the truth is, everybody is damaged or broken in one way or another. The important thing is to acknowledge your brokenness and let God heal you. It's hard. Probably one of the hardest things in life because you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Days run together, you're just going through the motions, and you can't seem to pull yourself up. Your feel stuck. You pray constantly and it seems like God is silent. You know He's trying to teach you to trust Him, but you're begging for Him to say something or open up a door that will help you see a little glimpse of hope, but He's still silent. All you can seem to think is "it's not fair". But life isn't fair. 

So how do you get through? 

You keep pushing. Everyday, you wake up and you tell yourself everything is okay. You go through the day, take time to cry if you need to, but don't get stuck there. Get yourself together. Listen to music, call everybody you can think of, do anything to get your mind off of the pain and defeat you feel. Don't dwell in the pain because pain is only temporary and you don't want to make it a permanent home. You keep trusting God and you go through the motions until one day there's no more tears to cry. 

One day you wake up and smile, not because you have everything that you want, but because you have everything you need. God would never take away something you needed. No matter how much you thought you needed it, you'll one day realize just how blessed you are, with or without it.So you smile, because you realize that as long as God loves you, nothing else in the world matters. 

No matter what struggle you are going through in life, know that God is always there. He allows things to happen for a reason. We may not always understand why we didn't get the job we wanted, the person we wanted, but God has a plan and we just have to trust in Him and in His timing. 

There's beauty in brokenness. Think of a glow stick, it has to be broken before it can 
shine.

Psalms 34: 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

Complement not Complete

The thing that makes somebody so great is when they complement you but they don't complete you. You don't need them, but you know you're better with them.

Sometimes it's crazy to think that there is actually somebody out there who has what you lack, but when you find it, you don't want to let it go. The thing about finding somebody that has what you lack is that at times it's hard to trust something you know nothing about. It's not that you don't trust them, but it's fear of losing yourself. You love them so much and you know what they can do for you, but yet you fight them because it's been you your entire life and all you know is yourself and how you operate alone.  

Now that you've found somebody that cares and is willing to come into who you are it's kind of nerve wrecking, because once you let them in completely, they have the power to try and destroy you. The thing is, there shouldn't be fear of losing yourself if you find somebody who can give you something to add to what you already have. "But they don't know me like I know myself " is what we're so ready to tell ourselves, but if you think about it, God gives you people for a reason. He gives you people who see things in you that you can't see in order to teach you something. 

Our stubbornness and our failure to let open that last piece of ourselves, the piece that will allows us to grow, is what keeps us stagnant. Sometimes we think that we are as open as we can be, but when the person who you say you want to let in can't get in or can't get to you, you have to reevaluate yourself and see that maybe you're more closed off than you think. We're so quick to point the finger and tell the other person that maybe they're not trying hard enough, but maybe we need to look at our own effort. 

It's easier to blame somebody else rather than to blame ourselves, as immature as that may be. No matter how old you are, or how mature you are, there will most likely come a time where you should be looking at the fault within yourself, but you try to find fault in others. We don't want to admit that we're wrong. It's hard, it takes a shot at our pride to admit when we've failed and as humans, we're very prideful. 

Will we let our fear, our inability to be vulnerable, our failure to see fault within ourselves, and our pride to destroy us and make us miss out on what could be?

The reality of it all is that when you find someone who complements you, you know that life wouldn't be the same without them. You would be fine without them, but still, life just wouldn't be the same. 

Failure is life's biggest teacher

Have you ever just completely and utterly failed at something? You worked so hard and you just flat out failed. It sucks. It feels like you just got smacked in the face, and the truth is you did. You got smacked in the face with reality. Everybody messes up sometimes. No matter how bad it feels or how grim the future looks, know that things will get better and you'll look back at that failure and see everything you weren't able to see then. 

Failure is life's biggest teacher.

God has a funny way of teaching us things. Sometimes we can't comprehend that the battle is so much bigger than ourselves. We aren't victims, but instead we are students of life. There is so much that God is trying to teach us as we grow and develop, and sometimes those lessons are hard and sometimes we fall down. But God is always there to lift us back up. He wants to see how strong our faith is and if we truly trust Him. It's so easy to say that you have faith in God and that you trust Him, but the true test comes when you're faced with adversity. Will you rely on Him fully? Or will you back down and give up? 

Like Corinthians 5:7(NIV) says, "For we live by faith, not by sight." So just because you may not always see what God is doing, know that He is always working things out for your good! 

With Love, 

Cherie Amour

Are you emotional?

I'm a very emotional person, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think the problem that comes with being an emotional person is knowing how to control the emotions you feel. As women we often times like to blame out emotions on science, which I don't disagree with and am often times myself guilty of doing. But the real question is, how do you deal with these emotions and the roller coaster that they sometimes take you on? 

Suppress them and ignore them, simple right? But why is it so hard to do sometimes? For me this is something I really struggle with. When the emotions start flooding in, I become very irrational and I probably seem crazy at times. That's because for so long, I've let them rule me instead of me ruling them.

Letting your emotions rule you is such a detrimental thing and the problem with it is that often times we don't see ourselves doing it until something becomes damaged because of it. When we let our emotions take over, we have our little rant or throw our little pity party and then we get over it. Not only do you look crazy because if you're acting irrationally, you're most likely not clearly communicating what's wrong, because you yourself probably don't even know at the moment, but what about the person you just snapped at and probably said something you shouldn't have? Are they still okay or have you now brought someone else into your realm of emotions because you didn't stop yourself and let your emotions settle and rationally handle whatever situation you may be facing. 

This is the story of my life over the last year. It's so embarrassing to admit that. Admit that at times I find myself not acting rationally and letting my emotions take over and hurt those around me. As I look back over my life, I see that during this past year, it's been worse than it's ever been, and that's probably due to me being stressed out more than I've ever been. But that's neither here nor there because that's just an excuse to try and validate my actions.

The truth is, it can be really hard to tell your emotions to be quiet and learn to wait to act until you can handle situations with a level head, but it's an essential part of life. For me it isn't easy, and everyday is a struggle, but it's something I continually pray over. I still have my moments, but I know as I continue to grow and put forth a conscious effort to fight my emotions, it will get better. I refuse to lose anything because of not being able to handle my emotions. 

So the goal isn't to become emotionless, but let's learn to become emotionally responsible! 

With Love, 

Cherie Amour

For I know the plans I have for you

Every year around my birthday, I sit back and I reflect on my life and all the things I've experienced. I can't help but thank God for everything that He has blessed me with. This year I really thank Him for growth. I never really thought a lot on my personal growth until this year, because if outwardly everything was fine, I was able to mask anything that was occurring on the inside and sort of pretend that it didn't exist. This year I've been faced with many different trials and a lot of them I had to handle on my own. It was all personal. It really gave me a chance to really look at myself and who I am, and work on being a better woman. I'm not saying it's been an easy road and I still have a long way to go, but I'm so thankful for it all. I'm happy that I'm at a place that I can finally say that because a couple of months ago, all I wanted was for everything to go away and for it to all be "fixed". But what I've realized is that nothing is really broken, except for my mindset and my attitude towards situations. A couple of things that I've learned are: 

"Every pain has a purpose" 
We can take hurt and disappointments as negative things, but you can also turn it around and look at it as teaching you how to deal with a situation and how to handle it better if you are to ever encounter it again. God knows your entire life. He knows everything that is going to happen to you before it happens, so instead of getting upset when things that you "don't like" occur, think about what you're supposed to be learning or getting out of that situation. Nobody likes to experience pain, but it's so temporary and it teaches you something so valuable if you let it. 

"But why me?" 
Why not you? God will never, ever give you anything that you can't handle and if you truly believe that, you can sit back and ask yourself, "well why not me?" Think of it as God deeming you strong enough and capable enough to handle that obstacle that has been placed in front of you. To turn a negative into a positive, God is using you to help others who may encounter the same trials and similar experiences. You can give them the wisdom you learned to help them better get through the situation. Be that vessel for them.

I'm where I am in life at this very point in time for a reason. Even if I don't always understand the reason, I know that God will reveal that to me when He is ready, on His time, not mine. People always say, "take it day by day", but I'm learning that for me, the easiest way to push through things when times may be hard is to take things "moment by moment". A day may be too much to think about, but if you embrace each moment for what it is, it makes things a little easier. You may have messed up 5 minutes ago, but brush it off and move on and make the next 5 minutes the best 5 minutes. 

You won't progress if you keep dwelling on the past and what you wish things could be like. Embrace the season that you're in, because seasons change and they don't last forever. This season for me has not been my favorite, but I'm learning to take it for what it is. I'm a better woman for it and what's not to love about that.  I've learned that everything doesn't always work out the way I planned it. And that's okay. You just have to learn to go with the flow and adapt. If you don't adapt, you won't survive (metaphorically speaking, of course). You never know what life may throw at you and trying to plan out your whole life is pointless. Things happen and sometimes it's out of your control. Just know that whatever is for you, will never miss you! 

I hope that whoever read's this knows that God's got you. Embrace whatever comes your way and know that there's a reason for it all! 

With Love, 

Cherie Amour 

 

Learning to rest in God

This year has been hard for me. I don't really like to admit that because despite how hard I feel it is, I am very blessed. I like to talk about things that are on my mind because if I hold them in, I'll drive myself crazy. I write a lot and writing helps, but talking to somebody else and getting their perspective on a situation really helps me figure out what I want to do about a situation. I only go to people that I can trust and divulge my inner most thoughts, fears and feelings. If I feel like I can trust you and that you love me, I'll share with you. Sometimes I come off as complaining about my blessings. That never is my intention with anything. 

Sometimes I get overwhelmed at the blessings God is giving me and to some that may sound silly, and may think that I'm saying I'm too blessed. I'll never be able to thank  God enough for all that He has given me. But I realize that with what He has given me comes a great deal of responsibility. As the last part of Luke 12:48 (NIV) says: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."  Or as you hear people say "To whom much is given, much is required." 

This is what overwhelms me. I know that I owe God my whole life and I constantly struggle with whether or not I'm doing what He wants me to do. This year has been a constant battle with "What is my purpose in life?" "How do I take what God has given me and use it to bless somebody else?" because all I ever want to do in my life is make a difference in somebody else's life. 

I am a very loving, and caring person. I'll do almost anything for anybody that I love. Just ask me and I'll make it happen. I'm a doer. I don't like to sit around and wait for things to happen I like to try and make them happen and that's been the biggest problem this year. I've been thinking that all a long I've been making things happen when really it's just God's blessings and His favor over my life. 

I've never been in control and it took this season of change that I'm in for me to finally understand that God just wants me to rest and have faith in Him and His plan for my life. He know's I'll always work hard because I've worked hard for everything in my life because "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." - James 2:17 (NIV) and with that I had become too focused on working and doing the actions that I began to lack in faith. Like I mentioned previously, I felt that I was making things happen so I tried to "make things happen" in all areas of my life and in turn I hurt one of the best parts of my life. And now I have to have faith that God will restore it. But it was a lesson. A lesson that I had  to learn. God took something that was very near and dear to me and made me realize that I can't keep trying to "fix" things. I have to rest and let Him take over. I can't get so caught up in "working hard" that I forget to consult God or when things get tough I try and "fix" them. Faith and trust in God is what will "fix" everything because you'll eventually realize that nothing is "wrong", it's just a part of the plan. 

If you're like me, you get so caught up in "doing the right thing" or not making mistakes, but the truth is we're human and we're constantly going to mess up, but if we don't lose the faith, we'll never lose. God has a plan and He know everything that we're going to do before we do it. So when you feel bad about messing up, just know that it's all a part of God's plan. 

I'm learning to rest in God and know that He'll reveal His plan for my life and my purpose to me when He feels that I'm ready to fulfill it. If you trust in God, He will always make a way. 

With Love, 

Cherie Amour

The missing piece of the puzzle

She was broken...but she chose this. 

He was broken... he didn't choose this. 

Everybody that didn't know her thought she was crazy for giving up that thing, that from the outside looked golden, but was really tearing her apart inside. She had to get out, even if it hurt. 

His story was a little different, he thought everything was golden, but the internal strife on the other side told a different story. Circumstances put him out. 

Deep down they both wanted to be free in the sense that they wanted to leave what felt like home and experience the world for themselves. They had been sheltered by comfort and had never experienced the world around them and it looked so good. They wanted to be a part of it...freely, without the opinion and feelings of others.....

The world wasn't what they were expecting. It was fun for a little while, but the comfort they once knew was gone. They didn't have what they used to have and it didn't feel as good as they thought it would. Her and him had very different situations but at the root of it all they were going through the same exact thing...

They had been broken and they thought the world could fix the brokenness within....but it couldn't. The world will never be able to fix brokenness because it itself is broken. 

Time went on as they lived their lives. They began to heal to the point that they no longer saw their brokenness. As they say "Time heals all". But how much does time really heal if we don't know what was broken? 

Think of our lives as puzzles. As we go through life we pick up things and we go through things that shape us into who we are. The things that stay are the missing pieces to our puzzle. The things that don't stay help us to learn what doesn't fit so that the next time we see it we'll know that it doesn't belong in our puzzle. 

She met him and instantly she knew that he was some way a part of her puzzle, but she didn't know exactly for what. God told her that he was a part of her puzzle but she was kind of skeptical because she once thought she had found the missing piece to her puzzle but was completely wrong and she didn't want to go through that again. Time went on and life happened and she realized she was more broken than she thought she was but she tried her best to hide it because she thought that if she let it show, she would lose the piece of her puzzle that she knew she needed. 

As her walls came down, he saw how broken she really was and she knew that he saw past the facades she tried to put on because he was the missing piece... he thought he knew what she needed. But through her brokenness he actually saw that he too was still broken. 

He tried to fix her but he couldn't. So he had to let her go. He told her he'd be back, but he had to let her heal. 

She didn't want this. She fought it as hard as she could, but then she heard God. God reminded her that he was the missing piece to her puzzle. He told her how He had brought him into her life because she had lost hope that she would find her missing piece but He needed him back temporarily. Together they showed each other how broken they both still were and they together tried to fix one another when God really wanted them to focus on Him and He would fix them. 

She thought she had lost him, but as time went on God showed her how much he really loved her, enough to let her go so that she could heal. God confirmed in her heart that he really was a part of her puzzle, and that he was there to stay...

So the story goes on and she's finally letting God heal all of her hurt and she prays that he is doing the same because the puzzle they make is the most beautiful puzzle you'll ever see. . . 

But I Love it God. . .

Faith: 

(1) complete trust or confidence in someone or something
(2) strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehensions rather than proof 

Having faith in God seems so simple right? Let's be completely honest, our faith could be a little bit stronger. Like the definition says, faith is having "complete" trust or confidence in someone or something. How many times do we find ourselves thinking we can handle a situation or a problem on our own? Probably a lot. Then we'll say "Look what I did!" or "Look how far I've came!" rather than "Look what God did!" or "Look how far God has brought me!"

It is in our nature to think that we can handle situations on our own and when they don't turn out how we want them to, we're quick to ask God "How did this happen?!" or "Why did this happen?!"

How many times does God try and protect us from things by showing us signs and taking things away from us, but we ignore them because of what we "want", or I should say what we think we want. Always remember that just because the answer is no right now, it doesn't mean the answer will always be no. Whether it's a job, an opportunity, a relationship, or whatever, what's meant for you will always find you. 

God is preparing you for something greater! He may take some things from you, maybe forever or maybe just for a little while, but He wants you to trust Him and know that if you trust and have faith in His plan for your life, He's going to give you something better than you could ever imagine! God has the power to change any situation. Even if it doesn't look like things are going exactly how you want them to, know that He is working it out for you! 

"For we live by faith not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:7

Happy Friday! 

Do Not Be Anxious in Anything. . .

From the NIV text, Phillippians 4:6-7 says

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

This is a verse I came across earlier this year when I was going through some personal issues that I felt would never end. I am very bad about worrying. I always worry about what is going to happen next and whether or not I am making the right decisions in life. I constantly question myself. All things I shouldn't do, especially if I'm going to say that I trust God and have faith in His plan for my life.

I always kept this verse close, but the truth is, I never really put it to use. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was doing fine (in my mind). I always seemed to get by with the mindset that I had, and things just always seemed to work out. Then I was hit with a bomb (metaphorically speaking of course). Something happened and to be honest, it completely rocked my world. I was devastated. So to say the least, the past couple of weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions, but in all honesty, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It was a reality check.

I've been trusting myself and doing things my way my entire life. I'm that person that people would say, "Oh, she's a good girl". I've always done what I'm "supposed to do", I always try to do the right thing and not make any mistakes (but of course I've made a few along the way), and yes it's always been hard for me to make mistakes and then tell myself it's okay, but it is okay. Even though I've been doing pretty good in life, the biggest mistake I've made is not fully trusting God. I would say that I trust Him, but then I'd end up doing what I wanted to do. Some of that probably came from my impatience also.

I took a week-long break from social media. I could have done longer, but a week seemed to do the trick. I did this so that I could really focus on myself and clearly hear what God was telling me without all the distractions. You never realize how many things distract us from God until we eliminate them or learn how to manage them. Instead of checking instagram first thing in the morning (don't judge me, I know I'm not the only one) I pray to God instead, and journal about my feelings. It really helped me to start my day knowing that I've told God how I'm feeling and if I woke up upset, talking to Him first thing helped to calm me down. Normally, I would use other people to make me feel better, but the problem with that is that people aren't consistent and most importantly they can't do what God can do. People can't give you the peace that God can give. They can't fix your problems. They can listen and tell you what they think, but they don't have the power to fix anything, only God does.

When I came across Phillippians 4:6-7, it seemed to speak to me for what I was going through. The problem is I was just reading it, not really understanding or putting to use what it was saying, and to be completely transparent, I really read "Do not be anxious about anything.....present your requests to God" and was like, "yep, that's what I'm going to do, and everything will be okay". Somehow, by God's grace, I got through. That wasn't the right mindset to have, at all. I had a  bad habit of trying to twist everything to be catered to how I wanted it to be instead of taking it for what it really was. I've never liked the saying "It is what it is" and that's because if I don't want it to be a certain way, I will try and make it how I want it, so it won't just be what it is, but more so what I want. Shame on me.

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I WANT! 

How hard is that to accept? Extremely hard. When I first got in this situation that I'm in now, I kept telling God what I wanted, and what I wanted to happen and was getting really frustrated because it wasn't happening like I wanted it too. But then I realized, it's not about what I want, at all. Everything happens in God's timing according to His will. I learned that I don't need to keep telling God what I want.

God already knows what we want but more importantly He knows what we need. If our wants and needs don't align He will do what's best for us. Even if it's hard on us. He knows we can handle it because at the end of it all, we'll get what we need and we'll be that much stronger. The biggest thing I've learned is that when you're going through a test, don't pray for the test to be over, focus on what you're supposed to be learning to get through the test. Tests are meant to make us grow and make us better, not for us to just move forward. It's kind of like if we never grew, physically and mentally, we would be the same size we were at birth and have the same mental state, but be the age we are now. You won't survive without growth.

So don't worry, know that God is always with you. Embrace the struggle. Like they say,

 Time heals all.

Unfamiliar Territory

When a baby enters the world, it cries. Why? Because it's in a cold, unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar things, and unfamiliar people. For so long the baby was swaddled in and protected by the warmth of it's mother's womb. That was its home, the only thing it has ever known. Now, is that why a baby cries when it's first born, I have no idea, but you all get the point.

When we find ourselves in areas or situations we aren't familiar with, we tend to get uncomfortable because it's new, it's foreign, and y'all know we tend to not like things that are foreign. So because a baby is a baby, and it knows virtually nothing about the new world is has entered, parents are instructed to make the baby as comfortable as possible and nurture and protect it until it can one day fend for itself.

So, who determines when we are able to fend for ourselves? Is it when your parents decide they are tired of doing things for you? Is it when you reach the legal age of adulthood? A mere 18 years old when just a year ago you were fully provided for and didn't have to want for anything? For us fortunate ones, that's not the case, we have families who provide for us until we can do so for ourselves. So, from my experience and observations, the age at which most people start to fend for themselves, occurs when they graduate college. It's not always because they have to, but once you reach a certain age, you want to actually feel like an adult. For the past 4 or 5 years, you've been legally an adult, because the government tells you that at age 18 you are. So why not start acting like it?

What is being an adult? Most parents, or anyone over the age of 40, for that matter, will, without fail, drill into your mind, that you aren't an adult until you pay ALL of your bills. So paying bills makes me an adult? Ehhh, I don't agree with that. I think that being an adult encompasses a plethora of different things, and one of the most important things is being able to cope with changing situations and adapt. So in other words, being able to go into unfamiliar territory and flourish, on your own.

I've been in Illinois for almost 2 weeks now, and let me tell you, it feels like a lifetime. Not to complain, but my job isn't the headline of the news everyday, if you catch my drift. Sometimes it gets so lonely because everybody I work with, is from the area, so they are comfortable with everything here. Everything is familiar to them. For me, everything is foreign. Not only is it a new place, but it's in a different part of the country than I'm used to. And that occasionally makes me feel alone. Initially, it's always exciting to think about going somewhere new. New adventures, new people, new memories. But sometimes when you get to that new place and EVERYTHING is foreign, it can get very overwhelming.

I like to think that I'm on my way to adulthood, being able to be on my own and fend for myself. Now the paying bills thing, I can handle that. But the being completely on my own thing, that's a struggle for me, to be completely honest. Yes, I have the support of my family, friends, and boyfriend, but in reality, I still am on my own. I'm the new girl. The last time I was the new girl, was when I went to the 1st grade. So I think y'all can see where the struggle is. Yesterday, I had a breakdown and was on my way to buying a plane ticket home this weekend because I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to go home and I wanted it then and there. Then I hit a reality check, mainly due to the fact that nobody has $500 dollars for me to fly home for the weekend. In all of this, I learned 2 things. First thing is that running from something, just because I don't like it or I'm uncomfortable about it, isn't going to change it. I still would have to come back to Illinois and I would still be alone and continue with my everyday routine. Second thing, is that I'm learning that I have to be my own best friend. My own traveling companion. My own company. My own happiness. I have to learn to love it and embrace it. The biggest thing I'm learning about being an adult is that at the end of the day, it's you and it's God. Until you get married and have your own family, your adult life is just about you. So instead of constantly running from things that make me uncomfortable, I have to welcome them with open arms, and know that at the end of the day, this part of my life, being just me, myself, and I, it's just temporary.

Always remember, God will never give you more than you can handle! <3

Are you accepting your gifts?

God is always giving us things and presenting us with opportunities but due to our lack of faith and our tendency to trust our own intuition rather than trusting Him, we miss out on so many things. We push away things that could potentially be amazing because the package it was delivered in wasn't what we were expecting. 

Now let's say we understand how God operates and have accepted the fact that gifts come in all different forms and we say, "Hey, I trust God and He's giving me a gift, so let me just take it." Well we take the gift but then what do we do with it? They way you handle a gift from God is what is most important. God doesn't just give us gifts because He has nothing better to do. The gifts and opportunities God affords us have a valuable lesson. We must start realizing that every single thing we go through, whether good or bad, is a gift from God and we must use it. We must take something away from it. 

According to 1 Corinthians 13:13, the greatest gift out of faith, hope, and love is love. For the past few days I've had to face something that I have never had before, being alone with my thoughts. I went almost half way across the country to a place I've never been, and for the first time I am physically alone. No, I don't do everything with somebody else, but when I start to feel any type of emotion that I don't like, there is usually somebody around that I can go talk to in order to distract myself from myself. But now I can't do that anymore. I am finally coming face to face with myself and having to deal with everything I've ever pushed aside and ignored. It's not easy. I have finally figured out the root of all of the emotions that I ever have. I, for as long as I can remember, have not been accepting God's greatest gift. The gift of love. I have always wondered why I always feel like I'm missing something and why something is wrong. I've never been good at receiving love, but it wasn't until now that I fully understood that I wasn't. I wasn't opening my mind to accepting that love is more than hearing "I love you"(something my boyfriend would always tell me but I couldn't grasp this concept because I was ignorant to what love really is). I don't like for people to help me, to do things for me, or to worry about me when sometimes that may be their way of loving me. I realize that whenever people try to love me, I shut down. I get upset and get uncomfortable. If people give me an expensive gift, it makes me feel really bad  to accept it. That's me rejecting somebody else's love. Allowing yourself to be loved is allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the biggest possible way. You allow someone to come into your being and make a home there. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about how you can have all the faith and hope in the world, but if you don't have love, you are nothing. This downfall is the root of all my insecurities. The only person I know how to let love me, is myself. I know that I won't hurt or betray me, I know I won't let myself down. This mindset has ultimately held me back. It has made it hard for me to trust. God has given me the gift of love so now it's time for me to fully accept it. It's always been there but now I just have to use it. Thank you God for giving me love.