Walking in your purpose

During the last couple of years of my life, I've really began to see just how much my life is not about me. But as I'm beginning to walk in my purpose and following God's plan for my life, I'm starting to see just how true that is. 

This is the beginning of my second week of teaching and in 6 days, I've seen so much that's different from the world I knew when I was in the 8th grade. The things kids say and do, their boldness and audacity is interesting, to say that least. I was "warned" before I started, but I refused to form an opinion of these kids and automatically label them as "bad" just because of other people's opinions of them. I wanted to get to know them for myself. This is my first time teaching and in 6 days, I've learned so much. 

The first thing I've learned is how much I don't know. I like to know everything and I like to always be in the loop. It's a constant battle with myself to remember that it's okay to not know everything. There will always be more to learn. I've also learned that they need me. For some of them, I may be one of the most positive female role models in their life, and that means that I have to be the best me that I can possibly be, not only for myself, but for them. 

Everything that I do affects my students. They are watching my every move. 

They know that the number one rule of my classroom is respect, and although they are still struggling with understanding what exactly respect means, they know that in order to receive respect, it must be given. They also know that there is no profanity in my classroom. On the first day, someone asked me why they couldn't use profanity and I told them that I don't use it, so I don't expect them to use it while they're in my classroom. They were so shocked that I didn't use profanity. So I asked them what the point of it was, and they said, "It helps you to get your point across because some people won't understand what you're trying to say if you don't use it." That's not what I want them to think. I want them to know my classroom is a safe haven and that they can get there point across just as clear without using profanity. 

That's just one of the many things that I've encountered in my first 6 days as a teacher. But I don't think they're bad. Some of them are disrespectful, some of them have anger tucked away, some of them just want to express themselves, but deep down for the most part, they're not bad. So now it's my job to help them discover themselves and just how great they are. I'm not just a science teacher for them. I'm a listener, I'm a supporter, I'm an encourager and so much more. 

At the end of the day, I may be tired, but I'm happy. God has given me this task and I'm more than willing to do whatever it takes to perform to the best of my abilities. I never thought walking in my purpose would be easy, because it is definitely not, but I know that it's more than worth it. 

Love, 

JayCherie

The beginning of a new story

When God blesses us, I believe that He wants us to share our stories so that we can inspire and give hope to others. So here's my story. 

In May 2014 I graduated from North Carolina A&T State University with a BS in Bioengineering and was on my way to Wake Forest University to pursue my PhD in Biomedical Engineering. I was excited and to be honest, now that I look back on it, I was so excited because I got to stay where I was comfortable. The triad area had became my home over the last few years. So to stay in a familiar area around people that I knew was very comforting to me. I always said that God wanted me in Winston for a reason, not really understanding what that reason was. 

Looking back, I believe that God allowed me to stay in a comfortable environment to then make me uncomfortable so that I could grow. 

Almost a year ago to the day, I remember walking into the first day of orientation thinking, "Why in the world am I here? I don't want to be here." But I remember shaking it off because it was an amazing opportunity that most people don't get.  I kept telling myself to push through it and that it would eventually get better. But it never really got better. I thought that the issues I was having outside of school were the reasons why I didn't like it, but in reality, I think God used all aspects of my situation to push me to what He had planned for me. At the time I couldn't see or understand that. 

The first semester I was failing a class (which I have NEVER done), and the professor reached out to my advisor and told him that I wasn't performing well. So my advisor talked to the Dean of the graduate school and I was able to drop the class a week before finals without any penalty (look at God!). After that I thought that I would go into the next semester more focused. My personal life was getting better, so I thought that everything was on the upswing. I went into the second semester very optimistic. Although, I still didn't enjoy the program I was in, I loved research and I figured that I would push through since I'd only have to take classes for another year or so. 

As the second semester went on, my personal life started falling apart, again, I was failing yet another class, and I just wasn't happy. I felt like God was pulling me away from the program. But I didn't understand. In my mind I wasn't prepared for anything other than graduate school. Since my sophomore year, I had it made up in my mind that I was going to graduate school, so I had done research every summer and I only had one industry internship. I didn't feel like I was prepared to go get a job in the "real world". I didn't know what I was going to do.

One day I reached my breaking point. I was so broken down from my personal life and I was just mentally drained from failing a class. My advisor kept blaming my poor performance in one class on me being "inadequately prepared" and I couldn't deal with his lack of support. I was so overwhelmed that I went to his office and told him that I was leaving and all he said to me was, "okay". Okay? I couldn't believe that that was his only response to me telling him I was going to leave. I felt so invaluable. 

The things that have happened over the course of the last year really took a toll on me. I felt very unwanted and at unworthy of almost everything. It felt like everything that I ever wanted and thought that I had was being taken away from me. So me being typical me, I went into "fix-it" mode. I was trying to open up every door that God was closing. I was trying everything to make a way for myself when all I needed to do was rest in God. I didn't like being vulnerable and I didn't like not knowing what the future held. 

I've always had a relationship with God, but I didn't realize how far I was from Him until He started removing everything that was distracting me from Him. I was unintentionally putting things in front of Him and I was getting further away from discovering my purpose. God was always with me, even in my lowest of places. I began to pray and be intentional in my prayers about what I needed and that was simply, I needed to feel God's love. I needed to feel His peace in my life. And that's exactly what He gave me. In the midst of everything around me falling apart, I had never felt more at peace.

God became my everything. 

As the summer went on, I tried to switch to other PhD programs, I applied for many jobs, but nothing was working. I knew God had something for me, but I also knew that "Faith without works is dead", so I kept applying for jobs. August rolled around and I still had nothing. I was preparing to have my parents help me with my bills and using my savings to pay for things until I found a job. I had put in an application earlier in the summer for a teaching position because it is something I was interested in doing, but I didn't think anything of it because I have no teaching experience. But on August 10, I get a call from a local school asking me to come in for an interview the next day. I go in for an interview and at the end, they tell me that they would like me to come teach for them! 

I'm a planner, which can be terrible when strengthening your faith and waiting on God, and I had my whole life planned out. I was going to go get my PhD, maybe get married somewhere along the way, get a job in industry after so I could make "good" money, and then maybe go back and teach one day once I had children. I had my whole life planned out in my eyes, but God  showed me just how easily our plans can change. 

God has taken the story that I had envisioned for my life and began rewriting it. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am no longer planning out my life. Where God tells me to go, I will go. What God tells me to do, I will do. I have put down my own pen and I'm letting God finish my story for me. 

Everybody has a story, everybody has a journey, and this is just the beginning of the next phase of my journey! 

Love, 

JayCherie

Withstanding Rejection

I don't think I can take anymore rejection, anymore disappointment, any more "no's". I think I've reached my limit for the time being. From my personal life, to my "career" life, I just keep hearing people tell me "no", and  at times I'm just over it. I just want to stop trying because it feels like "what's the point?"

Well the point is, maybe God has another story for me, because the story that I want, or that I thought I wanted, isn't working out like I thought it would. Maybe there's some things that God has to work out for me so that I can have everything that I've ever dreamed of. I know it'll be okay, but at times it doesn't feel like it. But then I realized that nobody like rejection. Nobody likes to be told no, but it's all a part of life.

Rejection can be God's protection. God may need to finish working on something before you can have it or God may have other plans for you, but either way, we must no that God doesn't keep anything that is good from us. Maybe we're not ready for that promotion, maybe we're not whole enough to be in a relationship, maybe we're not financially stable enough to buy a house. Just because the answer is no, doesn't mean it's always going to be no.

That's the part that I have trouble with. The answer to a lot of things that I want (or that I think that I want) seems to be no right now. But when is it going to be yes? You may be just like me thinking "When is it going to be my turn to shine?", "When am I going to find my purpose in life?" But we have to challenge ourselves not to think about those things. Not to think about when the things that we want are going to come to pass. We need to be using this time of being in the dark to continue growing. Maybe we're not at the place God wants us to be at yet and therefore He's not going to give me something that I am not ready for. So I just have to keep trusting God and know that He is going to fulfill His promises to me.

God knows your heart and He will never fail you. God makes no mistakes, so know that everything that is happening to you is happening as a part of God's plan for your life!

Psalms 147:5 "How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!" 

-- JayCherie

Facing Failure

When you fail at things in life, sometimes it can feel like the end of the world. It seems like everything around you is falling apart and you can't seem to stop it. You don't know where you went wrong because maybe just a couple of years ago, you had a world full of opportunities. Opportunities that are now obsolete, or they seem to be in your eyes. 

So what happened? 

You fail to realize that there's more to life than what you can see. That's where faith comes in. It may appear as if everything around you is falling apart, but really God is working to tear down the old house that you're currently living in so that He can build you a new one. But you can't see that. All you can see is everything that you're losing. You don't see the new foundation that is waiting to be laid. You don't see the wood that's being treated to give the house a stronger frame than the one before. You don't see the new walls and the new flooring. You can't seem to let go of all of the old memories that were in the old house. 

You can't see that God is molding you to be the person He needs you to be. You don't think you're ready. 

One of my struggles recently is trusting God's timing.  In the past, everything has always worked in a seemingly orderly fashion and seemingly easy for me. But now He's taking things away and closing doors.It feels like nothing I do makes anything better. And honestly, most times it's really hard for me to sit and wait for Him to work. I always feel like there's something that I need to be doing or something that I should be doing so that I can fix everything that I feel like I messed up. But what if I really didn't mess up anything? That's the question I keep asking myself. The closer I get to God, the more I realize that everything happens for a reason. Although I may have acted irrationally or didn't prioritize like I should have and I feel like I've messed up everything because of the place that I'm in now, I'm exactly where I need to be. 

Sometimes God has to strip you of everything to mold you and to prepare you for what He has planned for you.  

So just wait and trust God and know that He's working all things out for your good. Believe that better is coming. Storms don't last forever, even if it's been months, or even years. It will get better! 

Romans 8:28 (NIV) "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." 

Dear Lost Jay,

Now that I've finally found you, there's some things I want to share...

You were so amazing. You had this greatness that everybody could see and that everybody loved. Why did I ever let you leave? Did I not realize how special you were? Maybe I was scared of the woman I was becoming because I knew that road would be a difficult one, so I let you go and I became something else instead because I thought it would be easier. I don't think that I was ready to work as hard as you wanted me to and so pushed you away. I wanted love, not to work hard and be better. So I chose love over you. But how silly of me to think that love would work without you. Because you complete me and I can't love somebody how they need to be loved if I'm incomplete.

I'm so thankful that God brought you back to me. 

Without you I feel so empty and alone, and I've been trying to fill that void, but it's you I've been looking for. You're spirit is what makes me who I am. When you left, I lost my touch. I was scared without you. I can't be great without you because you had this drive about you that pushed me to be great even when I didn't feel like being great. I lost my balance. I lost my focus. I couldn't even love properly. And it was all because I lost you... 

I wanted an easy life, and you challenged me to go after the impossible. But I'm not scared anymore because I live by faith, not by sight. I was so stuck on what I could see, not what I knew. I don't want an easy life because easy things aren't always worth it. As the saying goes, "Nothing worth having comes easy".

So I'm ready for this new adventure and I promise to not push you away and to always choose you. Because without you I'm not me...

Beauty in Brokenness

Life changes so quickly. It can leave you feeling numb and have you in denial, but when reality sets in, you begin to feel empty and hopeless. When you put so much time and effort into something and it doesn't go the way you planned it, it leaves you feeling like you've failed and has you asking God, "why?"  You think you do everything right and you try your hardest, but it's still not good enough and you don't get what you worked so hard for. How else is there to feel other than defeated and broken?

Over time God will reveal to you why He allows things to happen, but you have to be open to accept it. 

You may find yourself saying, "I don't want to be broken", " I don't want to be damaged", but the truth is, everybody is damaged or broken in one way or another. The important thing is to acknowledge your brokenness and let God heal you. It's hard. Probably one of the hardest things in life because you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Days run together, you're just going through the motions, and you can't seem to pull yourself up. Your feel stuck. You pray constantly and it seems like God is silent. You know He's trying to teach you to trust Him, but you're begging for Him to say something or open up a door that will help you see a little glimpse of hope, but He's still silent. All you can seem to think is "it's not fair". But life isn't fair. 

So how do you get through? 

You keep pushing. Everyday, you wake up and you tell yourself everything is okay. You go through the day, take time to cry if you need to, but don't get stuck there. Get yourself together. Listen to music, call everybody you can think of, do anything to get your mind off of the pain and defeat you feel. Don't dwell in the pain because pain is only temporary and you don't want to make it a permanent home. You keep trusting God and you go through the motions until one day there's no more tears to cry. 

One day you wake up and smile, not because you have everything that you want, but because you have everything you need. God would never take away something you needed. No matter how much you thought you needed it, you'll one day realize just how blessed you are, with or without it.So you smile, because you realize that as long as God loves you, nothing else in the world matters. 

No matter what struggle you are going through in life, know that God is always there. He allows things to happen for a reason. We may not always understand why we didn't get the job we wanted, the person we wanted, but God has a plan and we just have to trust in Him and in His timing. 

There's beauty in brokenness. Think of a glow stick, it has to be broken before it can 
shine.

Psalms 34: 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

For I know the plans I have for you

Every year around my birthday, I sit back and I reflect on my life and all the things I've experienced. I can't help but thank God for everything that He has blessed me with. This year I really thank Him for growth. I never really thought a lot on my personal growth until this year, because if outwardly everything was fine, I was able to mask anything that was occurring on the inside and sort of pretend that it didn't exist. This year I've been faced with many different trials and a lot of them I had to handle on my own. It was all personal. It really gave me a chance to really look at myself and who I am, and work on being a better woman. I'm not saying it's been an easy road and I still have a long way to go, but I'm so thankful for it all. I'm happy that I'm at a place that I can finally say that because a couple of months ago, all I wanted was for everything to go away and for it to all be "fixed". But what I've realized is that nothing is really broken, except for my mindset and my attitude towards situations. A couple of things that I've learned are: 

"Every pain has a purpose" 
We can take hurt and disappointments as negative things, but you can also turn it around and look at it as teaching you how to deal with a situation and how to handle it better if you are to ever encounter it again. God knows your entire life. He knows everything that is going to happen to you before it happens, so instead of getting upset when things that you "don't like" occur, think about what you're supposed to be learning or getting out of that situation. Nobody likes to experience pain, but it's so temporary and it teaches you something so valuable if you let it. 

"But why me?" 
Why not you? God will never, ever give you anything that you can't handle and if you truly believe that, you can sit back and ask yourself, "well why not me?" Think of it as God deeming you strong enough and capable enough to handle that obstacle that has been placed in front of you. To turn a negative into a positive, God is using you to help others who may encounter the same trials and similar experiences. You can give them the wisdom you learned to help them better get through the situation. Be that vessel for them.

I'm where I am in life at this very point in time for a reason. Even if I don't always understand the reason, I know that God will reveal that to me when He is ready, on His time, not mine. People always say, "take it day by day", but I'm learning that for me, the easiest way to push through things when times may be hard is to take things "moment by moment". A day may be too much to think about, but if you embrace each moment for what it is, it makes things a little easier. You may have messed up 5 minutes ago, but brush it off and move on and make the next 5 minutes the best 5 minutes. 

You won't progress if you keep dwelling on the past and what you wish things could be like. Embrace the season that you're in, because seasons change and they don't last forever. This season for me has not been my favorite, but I'm learning to take it for what it is. I'm a better woman for it and what's not to love about that.  I've learned that everything doesn't always work out the way I planned it. And that's okay. You just have to learn to go with the flow and adapt. If you don't adapt, you won't survive (metaphorically speaking, of course). You never know what life may throw at you and trying to plan out your whole life is pointless. Things happen and sometimes it's out of your control. Just know that whatever is for you, will never miss you! 

I hope that whoever read's this knows that God's got you. Embrace whatever comes your way and know that there's a reason for it all! 

With Love, 

Cherie Amour