Discontent With Being Content

I've been struggling to write another post, not because I'm busy or anything, but because I'm very un-busy( I'm sure I just made up a word). My life is very stagnant right now and it's very frustrating. I have a job....and I have a job. Other than that I'm just living life waiting for the next good thing to happen...and to know me is to know that patience is something that I struggle with, so waiting is not something I'm particularly good at.

So instead of keeping myself busy and thinking about how I can make the best of my time, I started doing what you should never do...comparing my life to other people's lives. Don't get me wrong, I'm very blessed. I have a degree, I have a job that allows me to live decently, I'm content. But I've started to become discontent with being content. I want more. I want new and exciting and I don't have that right now. And that's when the comparing began.

Last week I was scrolling through Instagram and Facebook (I'm positive social media is the #1 killer of peace) and I started seeing all of these people announcing engagements, getting married, announcing that they're having babies, getting these awesome jobs, going to school and I started getting upset because none of that is happening for me right now. I want to get my dream job, I want to get married, I want to have babies so WHEN IS MY TIME? I want everything all at once. I know it doesn't work that way, but my wants began to outweigh what I knew.

My peace became interrupted, once again. I live my life to please God. When I lose sight of that, I tend to stop doing things that are pleasing to Him, and in turn, I lose some of the ammunition that I need to fight the devil. That's when the devil goes to work and my peace is diminished.

I'm still struggling with it at the moment, but I felt drawn to write about it because I'm sure there are others out there who feel the same way. Something that I know, but I temporarily lost sight of is that other people's lives aren't what you see them post. That is why I make an effort to be very transparent. I know that I can post things and make my life seem so amazing and perfect, but that's not how it is in the slightest. I'm constantly growing and I want to share my journey with others so that they can hopefully learn something from my experiences.

Psalm 37:3-4 - Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. (NIV)

Something that I've started to ask myself when I get discontent is "what is it that is stopping me from receiving my blessings?" I want God to do things in my life, but am I doing everything that He is asking of me?

I think that we tend to get so distracted by our lives that we forget that God has a purpose for us. God knows what He needs to do for you, but sometimes there are things He needs you to do first or a place He needs you to get to before you can receive what is meant for you. He longs for us and He wants us completely and totally so that we can fulfill the purpose He has for us. We go through hard times so that we can learn to trust him completely. We experience good times because of His grace and mercy and so that we can see His love for us. But whether good or bad, God still wants us to cling to Him always.

Through my experiences I've learned that God will do whatever it takes to get your attention if He sees you drifting. He will start removing everything that is taking your focus away from Him until you realize that you are nothing without Him.

It doesn't matter what you think you need in life. If you are obedient, and you trust God, He will provide, "exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask or think." Obedience is hard, but obedience brings blessings!

Whatever you may be going through, know that it is all going to work out exactly how God intended it to! Listen to what He is asking of you and just do it! It's so worth it in the end!

Love,

JayCherie

The beginning of a new story

When God blesses us, I believe that He wants us to share our stories so that we can inspire and give hope to others. So here's my story. 

In May 2014 I graduated from North Carolina A&T State University with a BS in Bioengineering and was on my way to Wake Forest University to pursue my PhD in Biomedical Engineering. I was excited and to be honest, now that I look back on it, I was so excited because I got to stay where I was comfortable. The triad area had became my home over the last few years. So to stay in a familiar area around people that I knew was very comforting to me. I always said that God wanted me in Winston for a reason, not really understanding what that reason was. 

Looking back, I believe that God allowed me to stay in a comfortable environment to then make me uncomfortable so that I could grow. 

Almost a year ago to the day, I remember walking into the first day of orientation thinking, "Why in the world am I here? I don't want to be here." But I remember shaking it off because it was an amazing opportunity that most people don't get.  I kept telling myself to push through it and that it would eventually get better. But it never really got better. I thought that the issues I was having outside of school were the reasons why I didn't like it, but in reality, I think God used all aspects of my situation to push me to what He had planned for me. At the time I couldn't see or understand that. 

The first semester I was failing a class (which I have NEVER done), and the professor reached out to my advisor and told him that I wasn't performing well. So my advisor talked to the Dean of the graduate school and I was able to drop the class a week before finals without any penalty (look at God!). After that I thought that I would go into the next semester more focused. My personal life was getting better, so I thought that everything was on the upswing. I went into the second semester very optimistic. Although, I still didn't enjoy the program I was in, I loved research and I figured that I would push through since I'd only have to take classes for another year or so. 

As the second semester went on, my personal life started falling apart, again, I was failing yet another class, and I just wasn't happy. I felt like God was pulling me away from the program. But I didn't understand. In my mind I wasn't prepared for anything other than graduate school. Since my sophomore year, I had it made up in my mind that I was going to graduate school, so I had done research every summer and I only had one industry internship. I didn't feel like I was prepared to go get a job in the "real world". I didn't know what I was going to do.

One day I reached my breaking point. I was so broken down from my personal life and I was just mentally drained from failing a class. My advisor kept blaming my poor performance in one class on me being "inadequately prepared" and I couldn't deal with his lack of support. I was so overwhelmed that I went to his office and told him that I was leaving and all he said to me was, "okay". Okay? I couldn't believe that that was his only response to me telling him I was going to leave. I felt so invaluable. 

The things that have happened over the course of the last year really took a toll on me. I felt very unwanted and at unworthy of almost everything. It felt like everything that I ever wanted and thought that I had was being taken away from me. So me being typical me, I went into "fix-it" mode. I was trying to open up every door that God was closing. I was trying everything to make a way for myself when all I needed to do was rest in God. I didn't like being vulnerable and I didn't like not knowing what the future held. 

I've always had a relationship with God, but I didn't realize how far I was from Him until He started removing everything that was distracting me from Him. I was unintentionally putting things in front of Him and I was getting further away from discovering my purpose. God was always with me, even in my lowest of places. I began to pray and be intentional in my prayers about what I needed and that was simply, I needed to feel God's love. I needed to feel His peace in my life. And that's exactly what He gave me. In the midst of everything around me falling apart, I had never felt more at peace.

God became my everything. 

As the summer went on, I tried to switch to other PhD programs, I applied for many jobs, but nothing was working. I knew God had something for me, but I also knew that "Faith without works is dead", so I kept applying for jobs. August rolled around and I still had nothing. I was preparing to have my parents help me with my bills and using my savings to pay for things until I found a job. I had put in an application earlier in the summer for a teaching position because it is something I was interested in doing, but I didn't think anything of it because I have no teaching experience. But on August 10, I get a call from a local school asking me to come in for an interview the next day. I go in for an interview and at the end, they tell me that they would like me to come teach for them! 

I'm a planner, which can be terrible when strengthening your faith and waiting on God, and I had my whole life planned out. I was going to go get my PhD, maybe get married somewhere along the way, get a job in industry after so I could make "good" money, and then maybe go back and teach one day once I had children. I had my whole life planned out in my eyes, but God  showed me just how easily our plans can change. 

God has taken the story that I had envisioned for my life and began rewriting it. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am no longer planning out my life. Where God tells me to go, I will go. What God tells me to do, I will do. I have put down my own pen and I'm letting God finish my story for me. 

Everybody has a story, everybody has a journey, and this is just the beginning of the next phase of my journey! 

Love, 

JayCherie

Withstanding Rejection

I don't think I can take anymore rejection, anymore disappointment, any more "no's". I think I've reached my limit for the time being. From my personal life, to my "career" life, I just keep hearing people tell me "no", and  at times I'm just over it. I just want to stop trying because it feels like "what's the point?"

Well the point is, maybe God has another story for me, because the story that I want, or that I thought I wanted, isn't working out like I thought it would. Maybe there's some things that God has to work out for me so that I can have everything that I've ever dreamed of. I know it'll be okay, but at times it doesn't feel like it. But then I realized that nobody like rejection. Nobody likes to be told no, but it's all a part of life.

Rejection can be God's protection. God may need to finish working on something before you can have it or God may have other plans for you, but either way, we must no that God doesn't keep anything that is good from us. Maybe we're not ready for that promotion, maybe we're not whole enough to be in a relationship, maybe we're not financially stable enough to buy a house. Just because the answer is no, doesn't mean it's always going to be no.

That's the part that I have trouble with. The answer to a lot of things that I want (or that I think that I want) seems to be no right now. But when is it going to be yes? You may be just like me thinking "When is it going to be my turn to shine?", "When am I going to find my purpose in life?" But we have to challenge ourselves not to think about those things. Not to think about when the things that we want are going to come to pass. We need to be using this time of being in the dark to continue growing. Maybe we're not at the place God wants us to be at yet and therefore He's not going to give me something that I am not ready for. So I just have to keep trusting God and know that He is going to fulfill His promises to me.

God knows your heart and He will never fail you. God makes no mistakes, so know that everything that is happening to you is happening as a part of God's plan for your life!

Psalms 147:5 "How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!" 

-- JayCherie

Facing Failure

When you fail at things in life, sometimes it can feel like the end of the world. It seems like everything around you is falling apart and you can't seem to stop it. You don't know where you went wrong because maybe just a couple of years ago, you had a world full of opportunities. Opportunities that are now obsolete, or they seem to be in your eyes. 

So what happened? 

You fail to realize that there's more to life than what you can see. That's where faith comes in. It may appear as if everything around you is falling apart, but really God is working to tear down the old house that you're currently living in so that He can build you a new one. But you can't see that. All you can see is everything that you're losing. You don't see the new foundation that is waiting to be laid. You don't see the wood that's being treated to give the house a stronger frame than the one before. You don't see the new walls and the new flooring. You can't seem to let go of all of the old memories that were in the old house. 

You can't see that God is molding you to be the person He needs you to be. You don't think you're ready. 

One of my struggles recently is trusting God's timing.  In the past, everything has always worked in a seemingly orderly fashion and seemingly easy for me. But now He's taking things away and closing doors.It feels like nothing I do makes anything better. And honestly, most times it's really hard for me to sit and wait for Him to work. I always feel like there's something that I need to be doing or something that I should be doing so that I can fix everything that I feel like I messed up. But what if I really didn't mess up anything? That's the question I keep asking myself. The closer I get to God, the more I realize that everything happens for a reason. Although I may have acted irrationally or didn't prioritize like I should have and I feel like I've messed up everything because of the place that I'm in now, I'm exactly where I need to be. 

Sometimes God has to strip you of everything to mold you and to prepare you for what He has planned for you.  

So just wait and trust God and know that He's working all things out for your good. Believe that better is coming. Storms don't last forever, even if it's been months, or even years. It will get better! 

Romans 8:28 (NIV) "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." 

My life is not about me

My whole life I've been taught that if you do well and you do what you're supposed to do, good things will come. Although that is true, I began to do what I "thought" were the right things just in an attempt to get what I wanted. But my heart wasn't always in the right place. I've been living this life, thinking that I was doing what God wanted me to do just so I could get what I wanted from Him. 

How wrong is that? 

It's not something that I ever realized I did until everything that I wanted got taken away and things started falling apart. I began to sit and reflect on my life and take a deeper look inside myself. I began to see that I was attempting to please God so that He would bless me and not because that's what He deserves. I wasn't doing it intentionally, but I was still doing it. I would tell God that I would give up certain things and that I would stop doing certain things if He would just give me things that I wanted. How inconsiderate of me? How dare I ask the One who wakes me up everyday and allows me to live that life that I live to give me more in return for doing what He asks me to do? He doesn't owe me anything. 

After 22 years of being on this earth, I finally get it. God will bless me however He wants to whenever He is ready. But in the meantime, I need to live a life that is pleasing to Him because that is what He deserves. I want to see Him one day and when I do, I want Him to be pleased with the life I lived. 

My life isn't about me. It's not just about the things that I want or that I feel like I need. Yes, there are things that I want that I don't have, and there are things that have been taken away that I don't understand why, but God's will is bigger than anything that I can see or understand. God is a God of restoration and He can do things that we could never imagine.

So for now I rest in Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

And with this I am finally able to understand the scripture that I've been replaying in my head over and over again for the past year and a half, Philippians 4:6-7. 

Beauty in Brokenness

Life changes so quickly. It can leave you feeling numb and have you in denial, but when reality sets in, you begin to feel empty and hopeless. When you put so much time and effort into something and it doesn't go the way you planned it, it leaves you feeling like you've failed and has you asking God, "why?"  You think you do everything right and you try your hardest, but it's still not good enough and you don't get what you worked so hard for. How else is there to feel other than defeated and broken?

Over time God will reveal to you why He allows things to happen, but you have to be open to accept it. 

You may find yourself saying, "I don't want to be broken", " I don't want to be damaged", but the truth is, everybody is damaged or broken in one way or another. The important thing is to acknowledge your brokenness and let God heal you. It's hard. Probably one of the hardest things in life because you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Days run together, you're just going through the motions, and you can't seem to pull yourself up. Your feel stuck. You pray constantly and it seems like God is silent. You know He's trying to teach you to trust Him, but you're begging for Him to say something or open up a door that will help you see a little glimpse of hope, but He's still silent. All you can seem to think is "it's not fair". But life isn't fair. 

So how do you get through? 

You keep pushing. Everyday, you wake up and you tell yourself everything is okay. You go through the day, take time to cry if you need to, but don't get stuck there. Get yourself together. Listen to music, call everybody you can think of, do anything to get your mind off of the pain and defeat you feel. Don't dwell in the pain because pain is only temporary and you don't want to make it a permanent home. You keep trusting God and you go through the motions until one day there's no more tears to cry. 

One day you wake up and smile, not because you have everything that you want, but because you have everything you need. God would never take away something you needed. No matter how much you thought you needed it, you'll one day realize just how blessed you are, with or without it.So you smile, because you realize that as long as God loves you, nothing else in the world matters. 

No matter what struggle you are going through in life, know that God is always there. He allows things to happen for a reason. We may not always understand why we didn't get the job we wanted, the person we wanted, but God has a plan and we just have to trust in Him and in His timing. 

There's beauty in brokenness. Think of a glow stick, it has to be broken before it can 
shine.

Psalms 34: 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

Learning to rest in God

This year has been hard for me. I don't really like to admit that because despite how hard I feel it is, I am very blessed. I like to talk about things that are on my mind because if I hold them in, I'll drive myself crazy. I write a lot and writing helps, but talking to somebody else and getting their perspective on a situation really helps me figure out what I want to do about a situation. I only go to people that I can trust and divulge my inner most thoughts, fears and feelings. If I feel like I can trust you and that you love me, I'll share with you. Sometimes I come off as complaining about my blessings. That never is my intention with anything. 

Sometimes I get overwhelmed at the blessings God is giving me and to some that may sound silly, and may think that I'm saying I'm too blessed. I'll never be able to thank  God enough for all that He has given me. But I realize that with what He has given me comes a great deal of responsibility. As the last part of Luke 12:48 (NIV) says: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."  Or as you hear people say "To whom much is given, much is required." 

This is what overwhelms me. I know that I owe God my whole life and I constantly struggle with whether or not I'm doing what He wants me to do. This year has been a constant battle with "What is my purpose in life?" "How do I take what God has given me and use it to bless somebody else?" because all I ever want to do in my life is make a difference in somebody else's life. 

I am a very loving, and caring person. I'll do almost anything for anybody that I love. Just ask me and I'll make it happen. I'm a doer. I don't like to sit around and wait for things to happen I like to try and make them happen and that's been the biggest problem this year. I've been thinking that all a long I've been making things happen when really it's just God's blessings and His favor over my life. 

I've never been in control and it took this season of change that I'm in for me to finally understand that God just wants me to rest and have faith in Him and His plan for my life. He know's I'll always work hard because I've worked hard for everything in my life because "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." - James 2:17 (NIV) and with that I had become too focused on working and doing the actions that I began to lack in faith. Like I mentioned previously, I felt that I was making things happen so I tried to "make things happen" in all areas of my life and in turn I hurt one of the best parts of my life. And now I have to have faith that God will restore it. But it was a lesson. A lesson that I had  to learn. God took something that was very near and dear to me and made me realize that I can't keep trying to "fix" things. I have to rest and let Him take over. I can't get so caught up in "working hard" that I forget to consult God or when things get tough I try and "fix" them. Faith and trust in God is what will "fix" everything because you'll eventually realize that nothing is "wrong", it's just a part of the plan. 

If you're like me, you get so caught up in "doing the right thing" or not making mistakes, but the truth is we're human and we're constantly going to mess up, but if we don't lose the faith, we'll never lose. God has a plan and He know everything that we're going to do before we do it. So when you feel bad about messing up, just know that it's all a part of God's plan. 

I'm learning to rest in God and know that He'll reveal His plan for my life and my purpose to me when He feels that I'm ready to fulfill it. If you trust in God, He will always make a way. 

With Love, 

Cherie Amour

But I Love it God. . .

Faith: 

(1) complete trust or confidence in someone or something
(2) strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehensions rather than proof 

Having faith in God seems so simple right? Let's be completely honest, our faith could be a little bit stronger. Like the definition says, faith is having "complete" trust or confidence in someone or something. How many times do we find ourselves thinking we can handle a situation or a problem on our own? Probably a lot. Then we'll say "Look what I did!" or "Look how far I've came!" rather than "Look what God did!" or "Look how far God has brought me!"

It is in our nature to think that we can handle situations on our own and when they don't turn out how we want them to, we're quick to ask God "How did this happen?!" or "Why did this happen?!"

How many times does God try and protect us from things by showing us signs and taking things away from us, but we ignore them because of what we "want", or I should say what we think we want. Always remember that just because the answer is no right now, it doesn't mean the answer will always be no. Whether it's a job, an opportunity, a relationship, or whatever, what's meant for you will always find you. 

God is preparing you for something greater! He may take some things from you, maybe forever or maybe just for a little while, but He wants you to trust Him and know that if you trust and have faith in His plan for your life, He's going to give you something better than you could ever imagine! God has the power to change any situation. Even if it doesn't look like things are going exactly how you want them to, know that He is working it out for you! 

"For we live by faith not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:7

Happy Friday! 

Do Not Be Anxious in Anything. . .

From the NIV text, Phillippians 4:6-7 says

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

This is a verse I came across earlier this year when I was going through some personal issues that I felt would never end. I am very bad about worrying. I always worry about what is going to happen next and whether or not I am making the right decisions in life. I constantly question myself. All things I shouldn't do, especially if I'm going to say that I trust God and have faith in His plan for my life.

I always kept this verse close, but the truth is, I never really put it to use. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was doing fine (in my mind). I always seemed to get by with the mindset that I had, and things just always seemed to work out. Then I was hit with a bomb (metaphorically speaking of course). Something happened and to be honest, it completely rocked my world. I was devastated. So to say the least, the past couple of weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions, but in all honesty, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It was a reality check.

I've been trusting myself and doing things my way my entire life. I'm that person that people would say, "Oh, she's a good girl". I've always done what I'm "supposed to do", I always try to do the right thing and not make any mistakes (but of course I've made a few along the way), and yes it's always been hard for me to make mistakes and then tell myself it's okay, but it is okay. Even though I've been doing pretty good in life, the biggest mistake I've made is not fully trusting God. I would say that I trust Him, but then I'd end up doing what I wanted to do. Some of that probably came from my impatience also.

I took a week-long break from social media. I could have done longer, but a week seemed to do the trick. I did this so that I could really focus on myself and clearly hear what God was telling me without all the distractions. You never realize how many things distract us from God until we eliminate them or learn how to manage them. Instead of checking instagram first thing in the morning (don't judge me, I know I'm not the only one) I pray to God instead, and journal about my feelings. It really helped me to start my day knowing that I've told God how I'm feeling and if I woke up upset, talking to Him first thing helped to calm me down. Normally, I would use other people to make me feel better, but the problem with that is that people aren't consistent and most importantly they can't do what God can do. People can't give you the peace that God can give. They can't fix your problems. They can listen and tell you what they think, but they don't have the power to fix anything, only God does.

When I came across Phillippians 4:6-7, it seemed to speak to me for what I was going through. The problem is I was just reading it, not really understanding or putting to use what it was saying, and to be completely transparent, I really read "Do not be anxious about anything.....present your requests to God" and was like, "yep, that's what I'm going to do, and everything will be okay". Somehow, by God's grace, I got through. That wasn't the right mindset to have, at all. I had a  bad habit of trying to twist everything to be catered to how I wanted it to be instead of taking it for what it really was. I've never liked the saying "It is what it is" and that's because if I don't want it to be a certain way, I will try and make it how I want it, so it won't just be what it is, but more so what I want. Shame on me.

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I WANT! 

How hard is that to accept? Extremely hard. When I first got in this situation that I'm in now, I kept telling God what I wanted, and what I wanted to happen and was getting really frustrated because it wasn't happening like I wanted it too. But then I realized, it's not about what I want, at all. Everything happens in God's timing according to His will. I learned that I don't need to keep telling God what I want.

God already knows what we want but more importantly He knows what we need. If our wants and needs don't align He will do what's best for us. Even if it's hard on us. He knows we can handle it because at the end of it all, we'll get what we need and we'll be that much stronger. The biggest thing I've learned is that when you're going through a test, don't pray for the test to be over, focus on what you're supposed to be learning to get through the test. Tests are meant to make us grow and make us better, not for us to just move forward. It's kind of like if we never grew, physically and mentally, we would be the same size we were at birth and have the same mental state, but be the age we are now. You won't survive without growth.

So don't worry, know that God is always with you. Embrace the struggle. Like they say,

 Time heals all.