Do Not Be Anxious in Anything. . .

From the NIV text, Phillippians 4:6-7 says

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

This is a verse I came across earlier this year when I was going through some personal issues that I felt would never end. I am very bad about worrying. I always worry about what is going to happen next and whether or not I am making the right decisions in life. I constantly question myself. All things I shouldn't do, especially if I'm going to say that I trust God and have faith in His plan for my life.

I always kept this verse close, but the truth is, I never really put it to use. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was doing fine (in my mind). I always seemed to get by with the mindset that I had, and things just always seemed to work out. Then I was hit with a bomb (metaphorically speaking of course). Something happened and to be honest, it completely rocked my world. I was devastated. So to say the least, the past couple of weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions, but in all honesty, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It was a reality check.

I've been trusting myself and doing things my way my entire life. I'm that person that people would say, "Oh, she's a good girl". I've always done what I'm "supposed to do", I always try to do the right thing and not make any mistakes (but of course I've made a few along the way), and yes it's always been hard for me to make mistakes and then tell myself it's okay, but it is okay. Even though I've been doing pretty good in life, the biggest mistake I've made is not fully trusting God. I would say that I trust Him, but then I'd end up doing what I wanted to do. Some of that probably came from my impatience also.

I took a week-long break from social media. I could have done longer, but a week seemed to do the trick. I did this so that I could really focus on myself and clearly hear what God was telling me without all the distractions. You never realize how many things distract us from God until we eliminate them or learn how to manage them. Instead of checking instagram first thing in the morning (don't judge me, I know I'm not the only one) I pray to God instead, and journal about my feelings. It really helped me to start my day knowing that I've told God how I'm feeling and if I woke up upset, talking to Him first thing helped to calm me down. Normally, I would use other people to make me feel better, but the problem with that is that people aren't consistent and most importantly they can't do what God can do. People can't give you the peace that God can give. They can't fix your problems. They can listen and tell you what they think, but they don't have the power to fix anything, only God does.

When I came across Phillippians 4:6-7, it seemed to speak to me for what I was going through. The problem is I was just reading it, not really understanding or putting to use what it was saying, and to be completely transparent, I really read "Do not be anxious about anything.....present your requests to God" and was like, "yep, that's what I'm going to do, and everything will be okay". Somehow, by God's grace, I got through. That wasn't the right mindset to have, at all. I had a  bad habit of trying to twist everything to be catered to how I wanted it to be instead of taking it for what it really was. I've never liked the saying "It is what it is" and that's because if I don't want it to be a certain way, I will try and make it how I want it, so it won't just be what it is, but more so what I want. Shame on me.

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I WANT! 

How hard is that to accept? Extremely hard. When I first got in this situation that I'm in now, I kept telling God what I wanted, and what I wanted to happen and was getting really frustrated because it wasn't happening like I wanted it too. But then I realized, it's not about what I want, at all. Everything happens in God's timing according to His will. I learned that I don't need to keep telling God what I want.

God already knows what we want but more importantly He knows what we need. If our wants and needs don't align He will do what's best for us. Even if it's hard on us. He knows we can handle it because at the end of it all, we'll get what we need and we'll be that much stronger. The biggest thing I've learned is that when you're going through a test, don't pray for the test to be over, focus on what you're supposed to be learning to get through the test. Tests are meant to make us grow and make us better, not for us to just move forward. It's kind of like if we never grew, physically and mentally, we would be the same size we were at birth and have the same mental state, but be the age we are now. You won't survive without growth.

So don't worry, know that God is always with you. Embrace the struggle. Like they say,

 Time heals all.