Learning to rest in God

This year has been hard for me. I don't really like to admit that because despite how hard I feel it is, I am very blessed. I like to talk about things that are on my mind because if I hold them in, I'll drive myself crazy. I write a lot and writing helps, but talking to somebody else and getting their perspective on a situation really helps me figure out what I want to do about a situation. I only go to people that I can trust and divulge my inner most thoughts, fears and feelings. If I feel like I can trust you and that you love me, I'll share with you. Sometimes I come off as complaining about my blessings. That never is my intention with anything. 

Sometimes I get overwhelmed at the blessings God is giving me and to some that may sound silly, and may think that I'm saying I'm too blessed. I'll never be able to thank  God enough for all that He has given me. But I realize that with what He has given me comes a great deal of responsibility. As the last part of Luke 12:48 (NIV) says: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."  Or as you hear people say "To whom much is given, much is required." 

This is what overwhelms me. I know that I owe God my whole life and I constantly struggle with whether or not I'm doing what He wants me to do. This year has been a constant battle with "What is my purpose in life?" "How do I take what God has given me and use it to bless somebody else?" because all I ever want to do in my life is make a difference in somebody else's life. 

I am a very loving, and caring person. I'll do almost anything for anybody that I love. Just ask me and I'll make it happen. I'm a doer. I don't like to sit around and wait for things to happen I like to try and make them happen and that's been the biggest problem this year. I've been thinking that all a long I've been making things happen when really it's just God's blessings and His favor over my life. 

I've never been in control and it took this season of change that I'm in for me to finally understand that God just wants me to rest and have faith in Him and His plan for my life. He know's I'll always work hard because I've worked hard for everything in my life because "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." - James 2:17 (NIV) and with that I had become too focused on working and doing the actions that I began to lack in faith. Like I mentioned previously, I felt that I was making things happen so I tried to "make things happen" in all areas of my life and in turn I hurt one of the best parts of my life. And now I have to have faith that God will restore it. But it was a lesson. A lesson that I had  to learn. God took something that was very near and dear to me and made me realize that I can't keep trying to "fix" things. I have to rest and let Him take over. I can't get so caught up in "working hard" that I forget to consult God or when things get tough I try and "fix" them. Faith and trust in God is what will "fix" everything because you'll eventually realize that nothing is "wrong", it's just a part of the plan. 

If you're like me, you get so caught up in "doing the right thing" or not making mistakes, but the truth is we're human and we're constantly going to mess up, but if we don't lose the faith, we'll never lose. God has a plan and He know everything that we're going to do before we do it. So when you feel bad about messing up, just know that it's all a part of God's plan. 

I'm learning to rest in God and know that He'll reveal His plan for my life and my purpose to me when He feels that I'm ready to fulfill it. If you trust in God, He will always make a way. 

With Love, 

Cherie Amour

The missing piece of the puzzle

She was broken...but she chose this. 

He was broken... he didn't choose this. 

Everybody that didn't know her thought she was crazy for giving up that thing, that from the outside looked golden, but was really tearing her apart inside. She had to get out, even if it hurt. 

His story was a little different, he thought everything was golden, but the internal strife on the other side told a different story. Circumstances put him out. 

Deep down they both wanted to be free in the sense that they wanted to leave what felt like home and experience the world for themselves. They had been sheltered by comfort and had never experienced the world around them and it looked so good. They wanted to be a part of it...freely, without the opinion and feelings of others.....

The world wasn't what they were expecting. It was fun for a little while, but the comfort they once knew was gone. They didn't have what they used to have and it didn't feel as good as they thought it would. Her and him had very different situations but at the root of it all they were going through the same exact thing...

They had been broken and they thought the world could fix the brokenness within....but it couldn't. The world will never be able to fix brokenness because it itself is broken. 

Time went on as they lived their lives. They began to heal to the point that they no longer saw their brokenness. As they say "Time heals all". But how much does time really heal if we don't know what was broken? 

Think of our lives as puzzles. As we go through life we pick up things and we go through things that shape us into who we are. The things that stay are the missing pieces to our puzzle. The things that don't stay help us to learn what doesn't fit so that the next time we see it we'll know that it doesn't belong in our puzzle. 

She met him and instantly she knew that he was some way a part of her puzzle, but she didn't know exactly for what. God told her that he was a part of her puzzle but she was kind of skeptical because she once thought she had found the missing piece to her puzzle but was completely wrong and she didn't want to go through that again. Time went on and life happened and she realized she was more broken than she thought she was but she tried her best to hide it because she thought that if she let it show, she would lose the piece of her puzzle that she knew she needed. 

As her walls came down, he saw how broken she really was and she knew that he saw past the facades she tried to put on because he was the missing piece... he thought he knew what she needed. But through her brokenness he actually saw that he too was still broken. 

He tried to fix her but he couldn't. So he had to let her go. He told her he'd be back, but he had to let her heal. 

She didn't want this. She fought it as hard as she could, but then she heard God. God reminded her that he was the missing piece to her puzzle. He told her how He had brought him into her life because she had lost hope that she would find her missing piece but He needed him back temporarily. Together they showed each other how broken they both still were and they together tried to fix one another when God really wanted them to focus on Him and He would fix them. 

She thought she had lost him, but as time went on God showed her how much he really loved her, enough to let her go so that she could heal. God confirmed in her heart that he really was a part of her puzzle, and that he was there to stay...

So the story goes on and she's finally letting God heal all of her hurt and she prays that he is doing the same because the puzzle they make is the most beautiful puzzle you'll ever see. . . 

But I Love it God. . .

Faith: 

(1) complete trust or confidence in someone or something
(2) strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehensions rather than proof 

Having faith in God seems so simple right? Let's be completely honest, our faith could be a little bit stronger. Like the definition says, faith is having "complete" trust or confidence in someone or something. How many times do we find ourselves thinking we can handle a situation or a problem on our own? Probably a lot. Then we'll say "Look what I did!" or "Look how far I've came!" rather than "Look what God did!" or "Look how far God has brought me!"

It is in our nature to think that we can handle situations on our own and when they don't turn out how we want them to, we're quick to ask God "How did this happen?!" or "Why did this happen?!"

How many times does God try and protect us from things by showing us signs and taking things away from us, but we ignore them because of what we "want", or I should say what we think we want. Always remember that just because the answer is no right now, it doesn't mean the answer will always be no. Whether it's a job, an opportunity, a relationship, or whatever, what's meant for you will always find you. 

God is preparing you for something greater! He may take some things from you, maybe forever or maybe just for a little while, but He wants you to trust Him and know that if you trust and have faith in His plan for your life, He's going to give you something better than you could ever imagine! God has the power to change any situation. Even if it doesn't look like things are going exactly how you want them to, know that He is working it out for you! 

"For we live by faith not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:7

Happy Friday! 

Do Not Be Anxious in Anything. . .

From the NIV text, Phillippians 4:6-7 says

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

This is a verse I came across earlier this year when I was going through some personal issues that I felt would never end. I am very bad about worrying. I always worry about what is going to happen next and whether or not I am making the right decisions in life. I constantly question myself. All things I shouldn't do, especially if I'm going to say that I trust God and have faith in His plan for my life.

I always kept this verse close, but the truth is, I never really put it to use. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was doing fine (in my mind). I always seemed to get by with the mindset that I had, and things just always seemed to work out. Then I was hit with a bomb (metaphorically speaking of course). Something happened and to be honest, it completely rocked my world. I was devastated. So to say the least, the past couple of weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions, but in all honesty, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It was a reality check.

I've been trusting myself and doing things my way my entire life. I'm that person that people would say, "Oh, she's a good girl". I've always done what I'm "supposed to do", I always try to do the right thing and not make any mistakes (but of course I've made a few along the way), and yes it's always been hard for me to make mistakes and then tell myself it's okay, but it is okay. Even though I've been doing pretty good in life, the biggest mistake I've made is not fully trusting God. I would say that I trust Him, but then I'd end up doing what I wanted to do. Some of that probably came from my impatience also.

I took a week-long break from social media. I could have done longer, but a week seemed to do the trick. I did this so that I could really focus on myself and clearly hear what God was telling me without all the distractions. You never realize how many things distract us from God until we eliminate them or learn how to manage them. Instead of checking instagram first thing in the morning (don't judge me, I know I'm not the only one) I pray to God instead, and journal about my feelings. It really helped me to start my day knowing that I've told God how I'm feeling and if I woke up upset, talking to Him first thing helped to calm me down. Normally, I would use other people to make me feel better, but the problem with that is that people aren't consistent and most importantly they can't do what God can do. People can't give you the peace that God can give. They can't fix your problems. They can listen and tell you what they think, but they don't have the power to fix anything, only God does.

When I came across Phillippians 4:6-7, it seemed to speak to me for what I was going through. The problem is I was just reading it, not really understanding or putting to use what it was saying, and to be completely transparent, I really read "Do not be anxious about anything.....present your requests to God" and was like, "yep, that's what I'm going to do, and everything will be okay". Somehow, by God's grace, I got through. That wasn't the right mindset to have, at all. I had a  bad habit of trying to twist everything to be catered to how I wanted it to be instead of taking it for what it really was. I've never liked the saying "It is what it is" and that's because if I don't want it to be a certain way, I will try and make it how I want it, so it won't just be what it is, but more so what I want. Shame on me.

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I WANT! 

How hard is that to accept? Extremely hard. When I first got in this situation that I'm in now, I kept telling God what I wanted, and what I wanted to happen and was getting really frustrated because it wasn't happening like I wanted it too. But then I realized, it's not about what I want, at all. Everything happens in God's timing according to His will. I learned that I don't need to keep telling God what I want.

God already knows what we want but more importantly He knows what we need. If our wants and needs don't align He will do what's best for us. Even if it's hard on us. He knows we can handle it because at the end of it all, we'll get what we need and we'll be that much stronger. The biggest thing I've learned is that when you're going through a test, don't pray for the test to be over, focus on what you're supposed to be learning to get through the test. Tests are meant to make us grow and make us better, not for us to just move forward. It's kind of like if we never grew, physically and mentally, we would be the same size we were at birth and have the same mental state, but be the age we are now. You won't survive without growth.

So don't worry, know that God is always with you. Embrace the struggle. Like they say,

 Time heals all.

Unfamiliar Territory

When a baby enters the world, it cries. Why? Because it's in a cold, unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar things, and unfamiliar people. For so long the baby was swaddled in and protected by the warmth of it's mother's womb. That was its home, the only thing it has ever known. Now, is that why a baby cries when it's first born, I have no idea, but you all get the point.

When we find ourselves in areas or situations we aren't familiar with, we tend to get uncomfortable because it's new, it's foreign, and y'all know we tend to not like things that are foreign. So because a baby is a baby, and it knows virtually nothing about the new world is has entered, parents are instructed to make the baby as comfortable as possible and nurture and protect it until it can one day fend for itself.

So, who determines when we are able to fend for ourselves? Is it when your parents decide they are tired of doing things for you? Is it when you reach the legal age of adulthood? A mere 18 years old when just a year ago you were fully provided for and didn't have to want for anything? For us fortunate ones, that's not the case, we have families who provide for us until we can do so for ourselves. So, from my experience and observations, the age at which most people start to fend for themselves, occurs when they graduate college. It's not always because they have to, but once you reach a certain age, you want to actually feel like an adult. For the past 4 or 5 years, you've been legally an adult, because the government tells you that at age 18 you are. So why not start acting like it?

What is being an adult? Most parents, or anyone over the age of 40, for that matter, will, without fail, drill into your mind, that you aren't an adult until you pay ALL of your bills. So paying bills makes me an adult? Ehhh, I don't agree with that. I think that being an adult encompasses a plethora of different things, and one of the most important things is being able to cope with changing situations and adapt. So in other words, being able to go into unfamiliar territory and flourish, on your own.

I've been in Illinois for almost 2 weeks now, and let me tell you, it feels like a lifetime. Not to complain, but my job isn't the headline of the news everyday, if you catch my drift. Sometimes it gets so lonely because everybody I work with, is from the area, so they are comfortable with everything here. Everything is familiar to them. For me, everything is foreign. Not only is it a new place, but it's in a different part of the country than I'm used to. And that occasionally makes me feel alone. Initially, it's always exciting to think about going somewhere new. New adventures, new people, new memories. But sometimes when you get to that new place and EVERYTHING is foreign, it can get very overwhelming.

I like to think that I'm on my way to adulthood, being able to be on my own and fend for myself. Now the paying bills thing, I can handle that. But the being completely on my own thing, that's a struggle for me, to be completely honest. Yes, I have the support of my family, friends, and boyfriend, but in reality, I still am on my own. I'm the new girl. The last time I was the new girl, was when I went to the 1st grade. So I think y'all can see where the struggle is. Yesterday, I had a breakdown and was on my way to buying a plane ticket home this weekend because I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to go home and I wanted it then and there. Then I hit a reality check, mainly due to the fact that nobody has $500 dollars for me to fly home for the weekend. In all of this, I learned 2 things. First thing is that running from something, just because I don't like it or I'm uncomfortable about it, isn't going to change it. I still would have to come back to Illinois and I would still be alone and continue with my everyday routine. Second thing, is that I'm learning that I have to be my own best friend. My own traveling companion. My own company. My own happiness. I have to learn to love it and embrace it. The biggest thing I'm learning about being an adult is that at the end of the day, it's you and it's God. Until you get married and have your own family, your adult life is just about you. So instead of constantly running from things that make me uncomfortable, I have to welcome them with open arms, and know that at the end of the day, this part of my life, being just me, myself, and I, it's just temporary.

Always remember, God will never give you more than you can handle! <3

Are you accepting your gifts?

God is always giving us things and presenting us with opportunities but due to our lack of faith and our tendency to trust our own intuition rather than trusting Him, we miss out on so many things. We push away things that could potentially be amazing because the package it was delivered in wasn't what we were expecting. 

Now let's say we understand how God operates and have accepted the fact that gifts come in all different forms and we say, "Hey, I trust God and He's giving me a gift, so let me just take it." Well we take the gift but then what do we do with it? They way you handle a gift from God is what is most important. God doesn't just give us gifts because He has nothing better to do. The gifts and opportunities God affords us have a valuable lesson. We must start realizing that every single thing we go through, whether good or bad, is a gift from God and we must use it. We must take something away from it. 

According to 1 Corinthians 13:13, the greatest gift out of faith, hope, and love is love. For the past few days I've had to face something that I have never had before, being alone with my thoughts. I went almost half way across the country to a place I've never been, and for the first time I am physically alone. No, I don't do everything with somebody else, but when I start to feel any type of emotion that I don't like, there is usually somebody around that I can go talk to in order to distract myself from myself. But now I can't do that anymore. I am finally coming face to face with myself and having to deal with everything I've ever pushed aside and ignored. It's not easy. I have finally figured out the root of all of the emotions that I ever have. I, for as long as I can remember, have not been accepting God's greatest gift. The gift of love. I have always wondered why I always feel like I'm missing something and why something is wrong. I've never been good at receiving love, but it wasn't until now that I fully understood that I wasn't. I wasn't opening my mind to accepting that love is more than hearing "I love you"(something my boyfriend would always tell me but I couldn't grasp this concept because I was ignorant to what love really is). I don't like for people to help me, to do things for me, or to worry about me when sometimes that may be their way of loving me. I realize that whenever people try to love me, I shut down. I get upset and get uncomfortable. If people give me an expensive gift, it makes me feel really bad  to accept it. That's me rejecting somebody else's love. Allowing yourself to be loved is allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the biggest possible way. You allow someone to come into your being and make a home there. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about how you can have all the faith and hope in the world, but if you don't have love, you are nothing. This downfall is the root of all my insecurities. The only person I know how to let love me, is myself. I know that I won't hurt or betray me, I know I won't let myself down. This mindset has ultimately held me back. It has made it hard for me to trust. God has given me the gift of love so now it's time for me to fully accept it. It's always been there but now I just have to use it. Thank you God for giving me love.