Forgive Yourself

I came across this song called "I forgive me" by James Fortune and I've been listening to it on repeat for the past few weeks. When I find a song I like and that seems to apply to my life or something I'm going through, I get a little obsessed. 

The beginning lyrics of the song are, 

"I decided to stop replaying regrets 
And I decided to tell my past goodbye, 
I cannot change what I did, 
But it didn't change what you gave me, 
When you took my place, 
No more guilt but grace" 

And I started to think of all the times I tried to forgive myself for things that I've ever done wrong. For me it's easier to forgive others than it is for me to forgive myself. 

I have this thing where I feel like I'm not supposed to do anything wrong. I know I'm not perfect, but I don't like making mistakes. I don't like being wrong. One of my flaws is always trying to be perfect at things, when I know that perfect doesn't exist. I feel like it I'm the best I can make everybody happy. But the problem is that I'm so worried about making everybody happy that I stop focusing on who and what is really important and I end up making more mistakes in the process. 

I always try to be the best that I can be and it causes me to become very critical of myself, sometimes too critical. So whenever I make a mistake, or hurt someone, it's hard for me to let it go. I sit there and I ask myself questions like, "why did you do that?", "why would you do something so terrible?" And I'm here to tell you NOT to do this. It is one of the most self destructive things that you can do to yourself. 

Life is all about choices. When you make decisions, whether good or bad, you need to learn how to deal with the effects. You can't change the past, so there's no point in dwelling in it. But that's what I did for so long. I dwelled in the past and it prevented me from learning and growing in certain areas and it caused me to make decisions that I can't change. 

Just because you make a mistake, you hurt someone, or you do something you wish you hadn't, doesn't mean that you can't learn from it. This is the time to say to yourself, "I know I was wrong, I know I messed up, but how can I prevent this from happening again?" "What can I do differently next time?" "What did I learn that will make me better prepared in the future?" 

Don't beat yourself up for making mistakes, you're human. You're not always going to get it right, and that's okay. Learn, grow and forgive yourself, you'll be better for it. <3 



Love, 

JayCherie 

Healing The Hurt

If you've ever had your heart broken, you know the pain it causes. You know the sunken feeling that you get that you can't seem to shake. That feeling that a part of you is missing that you may never get back. It's tough. And everybody around you tells you, "you're going to get through this" which you know to be true, but it just doesn't feel like it. You sit thinking about what went wrong, what you could have changed, how you can make it right. The thing about being hurt is that one of two things can happen. First you can allow God to heal you and you  can come out stronger, wiser and ready for God to bless you with what He has for you, or you can push the feelings aside and pray they eventually go away. 

Often times, I feel like the latter is what most people tend to do, at least that's what I did. I knew that in time, I would feel better, and I did, but it was superficial. I didn't "feel" those hurt feelings at the surface, but they were still there, I just had suppressed them. 

Last year I wrote a blog about how heartbreak can be a healer. I talked about how if you let God heal you, you can learn a beautiful lesson and end up being better. I didn't take my own advice. 

I thought I was okay. I thought I was over everything that had happened. But the truth is I wasn't okay. I wasn't over it. But I subconsciously suppressed everything that I felt and pretended like it didn't exist. In my mind, eventually the pain, the anger, the disappointment would go away. I didn't know how to deal with it. So I didn't. 

And I didn't realize it until this year. I was forced to face all of those things I was feeling because like anything you suppress, it will eventually come back up. And because of that, over the past few months I've had to learn some hard lessons and I hurt people along the way. 

I've learned that in order to deal with your hurt and allow God to heal you, you have to actually face it. You have to allow yourself to feel all of the things you don't want to feel and find a way to truly let them go. 

I've learned that some days you'll feel like you can conquer anything and other days you feel like nothing is right. But in the end, feelings are just feelings and not necessarily reality. So just because you feel like things are bad, doesn't mean they actually are. 

I'm still learning that everything happens for a reason. I know that God has a plan for my life, but in times of unrest, I find myself wondering why things didn't go the way I thought they should have. I can't always see what God is doing. But I know that if I continue to be obedient and follow what He is telling me to do, I will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Healing is a journey. One that has to constantly be worked on. Trust God and truly allow Him to heal you. Don't hold back or suppress any feelings. Deal with them the right way. 

Do Not Be Afraid

A few weeks ago, my good friend told me that she was going to Paris and asked me if I wanted to go. Of course I did! I was so excited because I told myself that this was going to be the year that I finally traveled, and now I had an actual opportunity to do so. I was so excited, but there was a part of me that was afraid. So afraid, that I actually was trying to find any excuse why I couldn't go, or why I shouldn't go. 

But what was I afraid of?

To be honest, I have a love hate relationship with flying, something I'm sure some people can relate to. I hate being in the air, but I love the convenience of being able to get where I want to go, quickly. Being in the air, with my life literally in the hands of the pilot makes me very uncomfortable. I barely like riding in cars when other people are driving (it's a control problem). So with that being said, my fear was caused by the thought of flying over the ocean....alone. But I couldn't let that stop me. I knew that I had to go on this trip. I WANTED to go on this trip. So I talked to a few trusted people and they thought I was crazy for even thinking about not going and I eventually bought my ticket. The minute I bought my ticket, all of the fear suddenly went away. 

In this moment, I realized that my trigger for the devil to seep in is fear. He knows that if I'm scared, I won't do something. This year I have committed myself to not letting fear stop me from doing something. Sometimes God is going to have me do things that are out of my comfort zone and I can't just not do them because I'm afraid. If I do that then I'll miss out on the things that God is trying to bless me with. 

My faith is supposed to be built on the promises of God and trusting that He is going to do exactly what He said He will. My faith cannot be based on fear, that isn't of God.

If God is telling you to do something and you're afraid, you have to make yourself realize that God will never tell you to do anything that will hurt you. It may be uncomfortable and it may be something that you don't necessarily want to do, but you have to trust that it's in your best interest. 

Living life without fear is so freeing and empowering. Be discerning in your decisions, but don't be afraid to take risks and step out on faith. Trust that God already has everything handled. 

                                           

Love, 

JayCherie 

Happy 2017

2016 was a great year. A year of opportunity, a year of blessings, and a year of new beginnings. Everything wasn't perfect all year and there are still some things that I am still trying to work through, but I'm learning to embrace every moment and take it as an opportunity to grow. I'm not always successful with this, and sometimes when things are difficult, I don't always embrace them in the way that I should, but as always, I'm a work in progress. 

Something that I've truly began to understand this past year is that God gives me what I want. But often times I find that when I ask for what I want, rather than asking that my will align with God's, I find myself feeling very unfulfilled and empty. It always felt backwards to me because I didn't understand why God would give me something if I wasn't supposed to have it. But over time I've began to understand that everything that God gives us isn't exactly what it looks like. Sometimes the gifts He gives us come in the form of lessons.  Lessons that show us just how much we need Him and how much better His plan for our life is than our own. 

The lesson that I'm taking into this year is truly understanding that in order to experience total peace, I need to pray to make sure that the desires of my heart align with God's will and His plan for my life. I want to experience all that He has to offer me and I won't be able to do that unless I take myself out of it. So I plan to continue to do what the scripture tells us in  Psalms 37:4, "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

I pray that your year is off to an amazing start!

Expect to see much more from me this year! 

Happy 2017! 

JayCherie

My view of love

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

I always wanted to receive a love that I was never giving. I've realized that at times, I can be very selfish. Unintentionally, I make things all about me. And that's not to say that I shouldn't get what I need, but when in a relationship, it's about what both people need and how you find a way to accomplish getting there. When I would get upset I would fail to find productive ways to handle my anger. I would lash out and I've said things that I wish I never said because, 1) they weren't true, 2) they were hurtful. Now I use the beautiful art of silence. People may not understand it, but I'd rather just not say anything at all than to say something that I can't take back, because words, once they are said, are permanent, whether you meant them or not. I kept records or wrongs, I was distrustful, and so on and so forth. The opposite of what the verse from 1 Corinthians says about what love is. So if I want that kind of love, I should be able to give it in return. 

So after I realized these things about myself, I began to think "where do you go from here?" What lessons do you take into the future?

I've learned that everything happens for a reason. God places you in situations that you may not understand at the time, but once you're out of the situation you can really sit back and reflect on what He was trying to teach you in that moment. That may be after friendships or relationships are gone, but the revelation still comes. 

I've learned that nothing will ever be perfect so there's no sense in trying to force it to be. Perfection is non-existent, but waking up everyday and choosing to fight for something rather than against something gives you a better outcome and hopefully allows things to feel perfect, even when they're not. 

Your emotions can both help and hurt a relationship. It's okay to tell your significant other how much you love them constantly, especially if they like that kind of thing, but it's not okay to scream at them every time you get angry. That's counterproductive. Learn to manage your emotions.   

If you don't want to find something, don't go looking for something. The truth will always come to the light, if there is something that needs to come out. When you start feeding into your emotions and start feeling insecure, you start turning small things into big things and nothing into something. This is not to say ignore blatant acts of dishonesty or things you know are wrong, but just because somebody is smiling at their phone, doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong. If you trust them, then trust them, if you can't you need to re-evaluate the situation. 

Be selfless. It's hard to have to worry about how someone else feels, but most of the time if you take into account how they feel, it will make your life 10 times easier. Does it require sacrifice? Yes. But is the payoff worth it in the end? I like to believe so. 

Love can be a beautiful thing if you allow it to be. 

What's for you will never miss you

Too often we get impatient and  end up trying to force things to be what we want them to be rather than waiting on God to give us what He wants us to have. We're so focused on what we can see that we forget the fact that God knows all and He always does what's best for us, even if it hurts. He will take things away, He will change plans, but He always makes a way. He always shows up and gives you more than you could have ever asked for. 

In this past year, God has taken what I thought was everything away from me. It hurt and it was hard, but a year later, He has given me so much more than I could have ever asked for and it's crazy to see how far I've come. My life isn't perfect by any means. But learning to trust God and trust that He will make things right and make things happen when the time is right puts so much peace in my mind and in my heart. 

I'm learning to appreciate the seasons of rest. Sometimes God isn't giving you what you want right away because He needs you to rest and prepare for the season He is about to launch you into. Everybody's seasons are different, and some are longer than others, so just be patient. Focus on what God is asking you to do in this moment because no matter how small it may seem, it's getting you ready for something so much bigger. You have to get through the training before you can get the promotion. Don't rush God's timing. If you force things to happen on your time and you're not ready for it, you'll be sitting there asking God, "How did this happen?". 

Sometimes things in life happen really fast. You might get your dream job right out of college, know you're going to marry the person you're with after a couple of months, get the first house you fall in love with, or anything else. But sometimes things in life don't happen fast. You don't get a job right away, you wonder if you'll ever meet the person you're going to marry, every house you put a bid in for doesn't go through. But if you're trusting God through it all, trust that the timing is right. 

Don't put your trust in what you can see, put your trust in the One who knows all. 

Ecclesiates 3:11 (NIV) "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Love, 

JayCherie

Living in the dark

Have you ever noticed that when you're riding an intense roller coaster, watching a scary movie, or going through a haunted house and you get scared, you have a tendency to close your eyes so that you will no longer be able to see whatever it is that is scaring you? It's like closing your eyes takes away that scary thing and somehow calms you. But the thing that is scaring you is still there, you just can't see it anymore. 

Sometimes in life we do this when we are facing adversity, metaphorically speaking of course. We close our eyes as soon as we think something we fear is about to appear. We turn a blind eye to reality. We'd rather sit in darkness just so we don't have to deal with our fears. We want to keep the pretty picture of what once was in our heads. We don't want to see it because if we see it, that means we have to deal with it. Keeping your eyes closed isn't easy either because if you can't see, you can't move forward. But at the time staying in the same place seems much better than dealing with our problems, so we keep our eyes closed, wanting to see the light, but not truly wanting to embrace everything the light will bring; the blessings, but also the obstacles that have to be conquered and the lessons that have to be learned. 

For a while I stayed in the dark. My dreams were better than my reality, so I kept my eyes closed. I thought that eventually it would resolve itself, and the things that I feared would go away, but they didn't. Life doesn't work that way. 

So one day I opened my eyes. I finally saw the light of reality and like I knew, it wasn't the sunshine and rainbows that I wanted it to be, initially. Since I had been in the dark so long, there were a lot of things I had to deal with and a lot of obstacles I had to overcome. Although the light has it's trials, it also has the blessings God promised me. The joy, the peace, the elevation. 

While living with my eyes closed, I developed a relationship with God that I never knew existed. I finally learned how to fully rely on God, rather than myself. Although I was being stubborn and refusing to face reality, He never left me and He never gave up on me. He always provided and even though I couldn't see it at the time, He was strengthening me and growing me so that I could be prepared for everything that He wanted to give to me and I'm forever thankful for that. 

So open your eyes. Your reality is what you make it and once you deal with whatever it is that you're trying to avoid, life will become so much better. I'm not saying it will be easy, because there may be many tears. But growth is painful, so just embrace it because it is so worth it. 

Psalm 126:5-6 (NIV) "Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying the sheaves with them."

Love, 

JayCherie