Unfamiliar Territory

When a baby enters the world, it cries. Why? Because it's in a cold, unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar things, and unfamiliar people. For so long the baby was swaddled in and protected by the warmth of it's mother's womb. That was its home, the only thing it has ever known. Now, is that why a baby cries when it's first born, I have no idea, but you all get the point.

When we find ourselves in areas or situations we aren't familiar with, we tend to get uncomfortable because it's new, it's foreign, and y'all know we tend to not like things that are foreign. So because a baby is a baby, and it knows virtually nothing about the new world is has entered, parents are instructed to make the baby as comfortable as possible and nurture and protect it until it can one day fend for itself.

So, who determines when we are able to fend for ourselves? Is it when your parents decide they are tired of doing things for you? Is it when you reach the legal age of adulthood? A mere 18 years old when just a year ago you were fully provided for and didn't have to want for anything? For us fortunate ones, that's not the case, we have families who provide for us until we can do so for ourselves. So, from my experience and observations, the age at which most people start to fend for themselves, occurs when they graduate college. It's not always because they have to, but once you reach a certain age, you want to actually feel like an adult. For the past 4 or 5 years, you've been legally an adult, because the government tells you that at age 18 you are. So why not start acting like it?

What is being an adult? Most parents, or anyone over the age of 40, for that matter, will, without fail, drill into your mind, that you aren't an adult until you pay ALL of your bills. So paying bills makes me an adult? Ehhh, I don't agree with that. I think that being an adult encompasses a plethora of different things, and one of the most important things is being able to cope with changing situations and adapt. So in other words, being able to go into unfamiliar territory and flourish, on your own.

I've been in Illinois for almost 2 weeks now, and let me tell you, it feels like a lifetime. Not to complain, but my job isn't the headline of the news everyday, if you catch my drift. Sometimes it gets so lonely because everybody I work with, is from the area, so they are comfortable with everything here. Everything is familiar to them. For me, everything is foreign. Not only is it a new place, but it's in a different part of the country than I'm used to. And that occasionally makes me feel alone. Initially, it's always exciting to think about going somewhere new. New adventures, new people, new memories. But sometimes when you get to that new place and EVERYTHING is foreign, it can get very overwhelming.

I like to think that I'm on my way to adulthood, being able to be on my own and fend for myself. Now the paying bills thing, I can handle that. But the being completely on my own thing, that's a struggle for me, to be completely honest. Yes, I have the support of my family, friends, and boyfriend, but in reality, I still am on my own. I'm the new girl. The last time I was the new girl, was when I went to the 1st grade. So I think y'all can see where the struggle is. Yesterday, I had a breakdown and was on my way to buying a plane ticket home this weekend because I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to go home and I wanted it then and there. Then I hit a reality check, mainly due to the fact that nobody has $500 dollars for me to fly home for the weekend. In all of this, I learned 2 things. First thing is that running from something, just because I don't like it or I'm uncomfortable about it, isn't going to change it. I still would have to come back to Illinois and I would still be alone and continue with my everyday routine. Second thing, is that I'm learning that I have to be my own best friend. My own traveling companion. My own company. My own happiness. I have to learn to love it and embrace it. The biggest thing I'm learning about being an adult is that at the end of the day, it's you and it's God. Until you get married and have your own family, your adult life is just about you. So instead of constantly running from things that make me uncomfortable, I have to welcome them with open arms, and know that at the end of the day, this part of my life, being just me, myself, and I, it's just temporary.

Always remember, God will never give you more than you can handle! <3

Are you accepting your gifts?

God is always giving us things and presenting us with opportunities but due to our lack of faith and our tendency to trust our own intuition rather than trusting Him, we miss out on so many things. We push away things that could potentially be amazing because the package it was delivered in wasn't what we were expecting. 

Now let's say we understand how God operates and have accepted the fact that gifts come in all different forms and we say, "Hey, I trust God and He's giving me a gift, so let me just take it." Well we take the gift but then what do we do with it? They way you handle a gift from God is what is most important. God doesn't just give us gifts because He has nothing better to do. The gifts and opportunities God affords us have a valuable lesson. We must start realizing that every single thing we go through, whether good or bad, is a gift from God and we must use it. We must take something away from it. 

According to 1 Corinthians 13:13, the greatest gift out of faith, hope, and love is love. For the past few days I've had to face something that I have never had before, being alone with my thoughts. I went almost half way across the country to a place I've never been, and for the first time I am physically alone. No, I don't do everything with somebody else, but when I start to feel any type of emotion that I don't like, there is usually somebody around that I can go talk to in order to distract myself from myself. But now I can't do that anymore. I am finally coming face to face with myself and having to deal with everything I've ever pushed aside and ignored. It's not easy. I have finally figured out the root of all of the emotions that I ever have. I, for as long as I can remember, have not been accepting God's greatest gift. The gift of love. I have always wondered why I always feel like I'm missing something and why something is wrong. I've never been good at receiving love, but it wasn't until now that I fully understood that I wasn't. I wasn't opening my mind to accepting that love is more than hearing "I love you"(something my boyfriend would always tell me but I couldn't grasp this concept because I was ignorant to what love really is). I don't like for people to help me, to do things for me, or to worry about me when sometimes that may be their way of loving me. I realize that whenever people try to love me, I shut down. I get upset and get uncomfortable. If people give me an expensive gift, it makes me feel really bad  to accept it. That's me rejecting somebody else's love. Allowing yourself to be loved is allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the biggest possible way. You allow someone to come into your being and make a home there. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about how you can have all the faith and hope in the world, but if you don't have love, you are nothing. This downfall is the root of all my insecurities. The only person I know how to let love me, is myself. I know that I won't hurt or betray me, I know I won't let myself down. This mindset has ultimately held me back. It has made it hard for me to trust. God has given me the gift of love so now it's time for me to fully accept it. It's always been there but now I just have to use it. Thank you God for giving me love.